


the soul you used to be

by meglimeg



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Falling In Love, Fashion Designer Magnus Bane, Fluff, Ghost Magnus Bane, Ghosts, Lawyer Alec Lightwood, Light Angst, M/M, This is just so sappy guys, Very very brief mentions of suicide, a little bit of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:58:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meglimeg/pseuds/meglimeg
Summary: Alec falls in love with a ghost.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who loves ghost/love stories? Guess who hates death? Guess who decided to write a ghost/love story anyway? (I'm pointing to myself)
> 
> Please don't worry about Magnus being a ghost. It's all fine, honestly; the only sad love story I'm in the business of creating is my own.
> 
> I have already finished writing this - I think it'll be between 3 and 5 chapters in total, depending on how I split it; I'm just editing and fine-tuning, and the following chapters will hopefully be up within the next two weeks! (About 22k words, total). There'll be smut, eventually. This is just about two sappy saps falling in love.
> 
> Title is from Halsey's 'Ghost'.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, please point them out! (I know nothing about New York real estate, being a lawyer, or fashion design. I'm also extremely British - bear with me).

The house is way too nice for the price, that much Alec knows. He also knows that, whatever fatal flaw the house must have, there’s no way he can say no to such a (supposedly) nice house in such a nice area of New York.

His realtor had insisted that there was nothing wrong with the house, that the owners were selling low because they wanted to sell fast, and Alec had pretended to believe her, because you don’t argue when you’re being offered a good deal. He did his research on the house, it came up clean, he figured it was worth the shot.

The house is great when he moves in. High windows and spacious, light rooms, plenty of storage. He has his siblings over for dinner a few times, and they ooh and ahh at the size of the place, and raise their eyebrows in disbelief at the cost. Alec is only a little smug as he gives them the grand tour. (Izzy stares longingly at his bathtub, and he promises her that she can use it whenever she wants.)

When he’s lived there for the best part of a week, things seem to start happening. And Alec considers himself a rational human being, but even he can’t make sense of how everything in his house seems to be going wrong.

It starts off small: bulbs blow fairly frequently, doors close suddenly with no wind, Alec sees movement out of the corner of his eye that he can’t explain. The room will go cold, suddenly, and then immediately be warm again. Every now and then, he hears a voice coming from the other end of the house, and when he runs through the house to try to confront some sort of intruder, he’s faced with empty spaces and a sinking feeling in his stomach.

And Alec doesn’t believe in ghosts, okay? He’s a grown up, a lawyer, and he knows that there’s no such thing as monsters or vampires. But every time something happens, it’s all he can do to stop himself calling out for some unknown entity.

He mentions it to Jace, because he knows a thing or two about electrical wiring, and might be able to help him with the light fittings.

He doesn’t tell Izzy, because she would immediately cry ghost, and Alec would never hear the end of it.

Jace looks at the fuse box, looks at some of the fittings, checks the bulbs carefully. He pats Alec on the shoulder, and says, “I don’t know what to say, man. Everything looks good to me. If it carries on then maybe call an electrician? But, I mean, this house was a steal. A couple of blown bulbs is a small price to pay, from what I can tell.”

And Alec sighs and agrees, and hopes that he can go for a week without having to re-screw every bulb in his house.

It’s not enough to freak him out. Not really. It’s annoying, and a little weird, and he would really quite like it to stop, but he can handle a little weird for the sake of an otherwise great house. If he can deal with decades of trying Izzy’s cooking, he can handle this.

At least, he thinks he can. He maybe changes his mind when he comes face to face with the reason for all the goings on, about a month after he moves in.

Alec wanders down from his bedroom one morning, wearing only sweatpants, rubbing a hand lazily across his face, when he steps into the kitchen, and freezes.

Standing by the sink, eyeing Alec up and down with vulgar appreciation, is a man.

(A beautiful man, his brain helpfully supplies.) (Alec hates his brain.)

“Wha-“ Alec starts and doesn’t quite finish, and the man stops ogling Alec to raise a confused eyebrow. “What the hell is going on?” Alec stammers out, stepping back into the doorway of the kitchen. The guy doesn't look like he's about to attack Alec, and he doesn't look like he's got any kind of weapon, or trying to steal anything. Alec thinks he should be scared, but mostly, he's just confused. How did this guy get in? What's he doing here?

The man doesn’t answer, but looks at Alec like he’s grown a second head. He even looks from side to side and behind him, as if to try to see who Alec’s talking to.

Alec gapes. “What are you doing in my house?” he asks, more confidently this time, exasperated, and the man looks affronted, raising a hand to his chest.

“Are you talking to _me?”_ he asks, and Alec throws his hands up.

“Of course I am!” he says, near hysterical with the absurdity of the situation.

The man looks suddenly worried, blinking rapidly, looking down at his own hands and then back up at Alec. He’s muttering to himself, and Alec steps closer, just close enough to catch what he’s saying. It’s frantic and hushed, but just about discernible as “see AND hear? How is that-“

“Seriously, sir, what the hell is going on?” Alec cuts in, feeling braver, standing only two feet away from the stranger.

He looks up at Alec, straight into his eyes. “You shouldn’t be able to see me,” he says, voice almost breaking with emotion. “I’m a ghost.”

His second line comes out barely as a whisper, and Alec has to hold back a laugh, because either this guy is seriously unhinged, or majorly bullshitting him.

Instead of laughing, Alec reaches out a hand to hold onto the man’s wrist, feeling the need to stop him from running off. If he’s gone enough to break into Alec’s house and claim to be a ghost, he probably needs help. Maybe Alec can call Izzy at the hospital, maybe she knows someone who can - .

Alec’s hand closes into a fist, and he looks down to see the vague silhouette of the man’s wrist somehow going through his hand.

And, oh, okay. Ghost. Fine.

-

Alec’s proud to say that he absolutely does not have a panic attack, nor does he faint, and he absolutely doesn’t stand glued to the spot for the best part of fifteen minutes.

(That last one may be a lie.)

After a while, the man in front of him waves a fully opaque hand (and god, how does that even work?) in front of Alec’s face, brow furrowing in concern. “Are you okay?” he asks, and Alec snorts, because what in the world is going on in his life that a ghost is asking him if he’s okay?

He steps back, stumbles a little, and falls into one of the kitchen chairs, dropping his head against the table. He bangs his head a couple of times, and murmurs into the wood, “I’m going insane. I need to be sectioned.”

The ghost, _the fucking ghost,_ laughs. Alec glares up at it, and he holds his hands up in surrender.

“I understand the feeling, that’s all,” he says, voice rich, and thick, like butter. “There’s nothing quite like waking up to a house full of strangers who can’t see nor hear you, and then not being able to leave.”

Alec takes a deep breath, and lifts up so that he’s sitting upright in the chair. “How-“ he starts, before realising that he has about a hundred questions, and how is he supposed to ask them all? He sighs. “How is this the first time I’m seeing you?” he settles on, and the words don’t feel real even as he says them.

The guy shrugs. “I have no idea. I’ve been here the whole time.” He turns away to look at some point on the wall to Alec’s left, and says, eyes glassy, absently, “I’m always here.”

Alec swallows as he watches the man clench his jaw and cross his arms. He gives himself a moment to really look at him; he’s undeniably beautiful, with smooth tan skin, broad shoulders, chiselled jaw-line, hair perfectly coiffed, eyes rimmed with kohl. He’s the type of man that Alec would stare at from afar in a club.

He sighs. “What’s your name?”

The man looks back down at Alec, and crosses his arms across his chest. “I don’t really remember,” he says, and Alec winces. “But a name that I’ve always remembered is Magnus.” He smiles sadly. “I was about to say that that’s what I go by. But it’s hard to go by anything when no one actually speaks to you.”

They’re both silent for a moment, and Alec fiddles with his fingers. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to make the situation make sense, doesn’t know how to stop Magnus from looking so sad. Eventually, he says, “Well. I’m Alec.”

Magnus nods. “I heard. When your siblings visited.” He smiles. “Is that short for Alexander?”

“Yeah,” Alec nods. “But no one really calls me that.”

Magnus shrugs, and smirks, and Alec wonders how a ghost can be so enthralling. Alec can't tear his eyes away from his face. “Then we have that in common,” Magnus says, meeting Alec’s eyes. “No one really calls me Magnus.”

-

Alec is completely convinced that he’s gone insane. He knew that putting in so many hours at the office would take its toll, but he wasn’t exactly expecting hallucinations of a ghost. Especially not hallucinations of a _sexy_ ghost.

He spends a couple of hours wandering aimlessly around the house, trying to make sense of everything, and occasionally smacking his head against a wall or two. Every-time he does this, Magnus appears, tuts, and disappears, and if Alec weren’t having such a crisis, he’d find it hilarious. As it stands, it just feels like he’s falling even further down the rabbit hole.

After a while, he sits down with a huff on the bottom step of the staircase, and a few moments later, Magnus appears next to him, sinking down to sit on the step next to him. It’s so strange, because Magnus looks so whole and so real, so complete and human, and yet there’s no heat radiating from him, and Alec can’t feel anything when he shifts and brushes against where Magnus would be.

“So,” he says, staring at the front door ahead of him. He sighs. “I don’t really know what to say.”

Magnus huffs out a laugh beside him. “I don’t believe there’s a manual out there for this sort of thing. I wouldn’t worry.” He turns to Alec, settling against the banister of the staircase, lifting his legs in a way that makes Alec think he’s sat like this a hundred times before. “The house will sell quickly, if you want to leave,” he says, looking down at the carpet of the step. The sudden quiet of his tone rattles Alec more than if he'd started shouting. Magnus looks small, and sad. “A month or two at most.” He laughs, and it sounds hollow. “You weren’t expecting a housemate. And I can’t even pay rent. So I'd understand.”

Alec looks at him closely, imagines that Magnus has seen countless people come and go, forced to leave by some invisible presence that haunts an otherwise perfect house. And this house _is_ perfect. Perfect, cheap, good location, light and airy. If this house had been advertised as coming with a housemate, for the same price, Alec would have taken it.

He sighs, rubs his fingers into his eyes. “I’ve only just finished unpacking.” He thinks about the admin involved with trying to find somewhere new, about how happy he was just to find somewhere he felt so at home. “You’re not going to like, actively haunt me, are you?”

Magnus snorts, and Alec drops his hand to look him in the face.

“I think I can refrain from launching chairs across rooms, if that’s what you mean?” He’s smiling as he speaks, as if he’s just realised that Alec’s planning to stay, and Alec smiles back without thinking. He supposes that, when you haven’t been able to speak to someone in years, having the first person you’re able to talk to not immediately abandon you is probably quite a nice feeling.

Alec rolls his eyes. “You say that, but you’ve apparently scared off enough of this house’s owners in the past. You must be doing something. And you’ve blown out nearly three dozen bulbs since I got here.”

Magnus shrugs, but at least looks vaguely apologetic. “I don’t go out of my way to scare people. But apparently people _really_ don’t like doors that close by themselves. I am sorry about the bulbs, though. You leave the lights on a lot, and bursts of energy are all I can really manage.” He thinks for a moment, before continuing. “The last couple were very untidy. I can’t touch things, but I have been known to, how shall we say? Cause gusts of wind to knock things to the ground. If they’ve been left out for extended periods of time.” Alec raises both his eyebrows in surprise, and Magnus says, “Oh, don’t look so shocked. I’ve only broken a few plates in my time.”

Alec laughs, shaking his head. “Please don’t break any of my plates,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “And please stop exploding all of my lightbulbs. Just tell me if it gets too messy, or if I leave a light on.”

Magnus beams when he hears this confirmation of Alec staying, and Alec’s heart flips, because it’s a beautiful sight to behold, Magnus’ open face, eyes twinkling. Alec wonders how the eyes of a dead man can be so full of life.

Magnus crosses his heart, still grinning, relief painted across his smile. “I’ll be the perfect housemate. And I’ll only nag sometimes.”

Alec shakes his head, laughing quietly, and wonders what exactly he’s just agreed to.

-

The next thing Alec notices about Magnus, oddly enough, is that he doesn’t float. And, so Alec has never met a ghost before, sure. But somehow, he has this image in his head of translucent bodies floating through air and walls. Magnus just…walks. Alec’s sorting through books in his office when the door creaks open, and he turns to see a tentative looking Magnus peeking through to the room.

“Hey,” Alec says, shifting some books to under his arm and turning to face him. Magnus smiles, pushes the door open fully and steps into the room, and that’s when Alec realises. Steps. “You don’t…” he starts, but stops himself quickly. Somehow, saying ‘You don’t float’ feels stupid.

Magnus raises an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Alec clears his throat. “You don’t look like a ghost?” he settles on, and Magnus’ eyebrow rises higher.

“Is that a question?” he asks, moving to stand in front of Alec, amused smirk on his face.

Alec swallows, plays for nonchalance. “I guess. You just, you know. You go through doors, and walk normally, and you’re,” he gestures with his free hand to Magnus’ general solid-looking appearance, and Magnus glances down at himself.

“Not see-through?” he asks, and Alec nods.

“Yeah. You’re very…opaque.”

Magnus shrugs. “I can’t really tell you about my opacity, because you know as much as I do about that. I’ve never exactly been given an explanation. As for the rest,” he waves a hand in the air, and Alec’s eyes fall on the rings that are adorning Magnus’ long fingers. They don’t glint in the sunlight that’s falling through the window, but Alec imagines that they did, a long time ago. “Consider it a preference. I can walk through walls, and I did spend a while just floating around the house. But it gets boring, after a while. Walking feels more natural.”

Alec nods. “Isn’t walking through walls fun? It always looks fun. In movies and stuff.” He can feel himself blushing, because he sounds like an idiot every time he opens his mouth around Magnus. Is it offensive to ask a ghost if he likes to walk through walls? How has Alec’s life gone so mad, so quickly?

Magnus doesn’t seem offended, though, and says, “I’ve never enjoyed it. The novelty was fun, for a while, but it soon wore off.”

Alec places the books in his arms on a shelf to his right. “So you used to live here? In this house?”

“You know,” Magnus says, leaning against the wall by the window, “I honestly don’t remember. There’s not a thing I could tell you about my life before I died. Apart from the fact that I was dressed fabulously.” He smirks as he says it, obviously trying to laugh it off, but Alec sees him wince slightly as he speaks.

“And great make-up,” he blurts out, wanting to stop the sadness from spreading through Magnus’ face.

Magnus, for his part, looks taken aback by that. He reaches up to fiddle with his hair. “Well. That’s good to hear.” He smiles, pressing a finger against his cheek and pulling it away, as if to check for make-up residue. “I haven’t been able to see my face. It’s good to know it’s not a total disaster.”

“You don’t know what you look like?” Alec asks, brow furrowed.

“I mean, I’ve always assumed I’m devastatingly handsome,” Magnus smiles, pushing off the wall and stepping closer to Alec. “But it’s nice to have confirmation.”

He looks devious, and Alec averts his gaze, clearing his throat. “I just said your make-up was good.”

Magnus laughs. “Don’t worry, pretty boy, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Alec rolls his eyes. “You’re going to be impossible to live with, aren’t you?”

Magnus hums thoughtfully. “Well, it’s a good job only one of us is living, that’s all I’ll say.”

-

Alec isn’t really sure what Magnus spends his time doing. Over the next couple of days, Alec sees Magnus in the morning, and when he gets back from work. He might be sat on the stairs, or leaning against the counter in the kitchen, and he’ll greet Alec with a smile and say, “Hello, Alexander.” After a couple of times, Alec catches Magnus grinning to himself.

He says, “Something funny?” and Magnus shakes his head, tapping his fingers absently against the countertop.

“No. It’s just nice to be able to speak to someone.”

Alec’s heart skips, because he can’t imagine what it’s like to be forced to exist with people who never see you, never hear you, to never be able to leave. For one thing, it must be so _boring._

Magnus looks like the kind of person who knew how to live. His hair has a streak of red through it, his eyeshadow has a hint of glitter, his shirt is black with white ink-blots, opened to mid-chest level, chains dangling in the open space. Magnus doesn’t look like someone who was boring.

While Alec is at work, filing through paperwork for the Collins’ case, he starts to wonder what Magnus is doing, right at this moment. Is he bored? Does he have some kind of way to amuse himself? What does he do at night? Do ghosts sleep?

As he flicks his pen over the pages, he wonders what Izzy and Jace would make of his situation. He thinks, absently, about telling them. Jace would find it hilarious, and Izzy would be fascinated; she’d throw herself into looking up every tiny little detail about ghosts and reporting back. She’d probably buy one of those EMF readers, set up shop in his house for a few days, do proper experiments.

A thought crosses Alec’s mind – he could tell Izzy there was strange stuff going on in his house, get her to come over, and then ask Magnus to just open and close doors, to freak her out.

That would probably go down better than Alec just straight up telling her about the ghost called Magnus who only Alec can see. That would go down about as well as a lead balloon.

(In all honesty, Alec still isn’t sure he’s not just hallucinating Magnus. The whole thing is just about crazy enough to have come from his own fevered imagination.)

When Alec gets home, a week after meeting Magnus, he finds him sat, cross-legged, on the living room floor, apparently meditating. He doesn’t open his eyes when Alec enters the house, but he must sense that he’s there anyway, because he says, “You should get a cat.”

Alec’s taken aback, hangs his coat up on the coat rack, and says, “Hello to you too, Magnus. I had a lovely day, thank you Magnus. How was your day, Magnus?”

Magnus opens one eye, and looks at Alec critically. “I could just be a poltergeist and destroy all your possessions. You know that, right?”

Alec huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. “Why do you want a cat?”

Magnus relaxes his position and opens his other eye, leaning back against his hands. “I get bored. A cat would amuse me.”

Alec sits on the floor opposite Magnus, and starts unlacing his boots, pulling them off and placing them by the coat-rack. “You wouldn’t be able to pet it, though. And it probably wouldn’t be able to see you.”

Magnus rolls his eyes, his expression so real, somehow. “I’m aware, Alexander. But even just following it around the house would be _something.”_ He waves a hand around in a way that Alec’s now getting used to, and he watches his fingers twirl through nothing. “I also think I could conjure up some gusts of wind that could provide the cat with some amusement. It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

Alec smiles at the image, and says, “So, we’d get a cat. And you would spend the day following the cat around, while, what? Blasting it with wind?”

“Alexanderrrrrr,” Magnus whines, leaning forward and placing his hands on the floor between them. “Don’t make me beg. I’ve spent so many years with nothing to do but _think_ , and I finally have the chance to have my days not pass in total monotony.”

Alec gestures around the room. “I left the television on for you.”

Magnus pulls a face, his nose scrunching in a way that Alec does absolutely not find adorable. “You left it on the news channel. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Learn about the world?” Alec asks, and Magnus shakes his head.

“The world is terrible. I don’t want to fill my days with terribleness. Is there not some kind of fashion channel I can watch?”

Alec scratches at the back of his neck. “I only really have the basic TV channels. I don’t really watch TV anyway.”

Magnus sighs. “I know, believe me. When the elderly couple left and you moved in, I thought that I’d finally get to watch something other than ‘Duck Dynasty’. Instead, I get _nothing.”_

Alec furrows his brow. “’Duck Dynasty?’”

Magnus shakes his head, as if not wanting to think about the whole thing. “They were strange. They may have looked normal to you, but trust me, they were strange.” Alec thinks back to the sweet old couple who had shown him around the house, who’d spent the entire tour holding hands, who’d offered him a slice of homemade apple pie to take home. Somehow, ‘Duck Dynasty’ doesn’t really fit with Alec’s perception of them.

Magnus snaps his fingers in Alec’s face, bringing him back to the present. When Alec meets his eye, he says, “All I’m asking for is the television to be left on something interesting, and a cat. It could be worse,” he says, grin spreading across his face. “I could be a vengeful spirit demanding a blood sacrifice.”

Alec huffs, pretending to think, but he’s smiling when he speaks. “I can’t believe I’m about to buy a cat for a ghost.”

Magnus beams, and Alec rolls his eyes, but smiles back as he stands and heads into the kitchen. “Adopt, don’t shop!” Magnus calls after him.

“Go back to meditating,” he calls back.

-

Alec eats his dinner in front of the television, because his kitchen table is covered in paperwork, and he can’t be bothered to clean it all up. Magnus sits with him, on the floor, chin in his hands and eyes on the screen. He’s let Magnus choose what to watch, and apparently they’re just in time to watch ‘Fashion Parade’, whatever that is. It doesn’t interest Alec in the slightest, and it looks like it’s nothing more than skinny ladies talking about clothes, but Magnus has been captivated since it started, so he’s happy enough to let it play. Even if it does look like it’s about ten years old.

When there’s a commercial break, Alec clears his throat, and Magnus turns to face him, eyebrow raised.

“Um,” Alec starts, because he’s always been good with words. “Why do you sit on the floor?” he asks, hoping it’s not some kind of super-sensitive taboo ghost topic.

Magnus doesn’t seem immediately affronted, at least, and he answers with a somewhat neutral expression. “I can’t have any effect on things that don’t belong to me. The couch is yours, so I can’t sit on it. The floor belongs to the house, though. As do the stairs and the walls, and parts of the kitchen.”

Alec nods in understanding. “That must suck.”

Magnus smiles sadly. “You get used to it pretty quickly.”

Alec wants to ask how long he’s had to get used to it, but he doesn’t want to make Magnus sadder, and he doesn’t want to say anything that would make him look insensitive.

The program starts again, and Magnus turns back to the screen, letting out a gasp at an (apparently) unfortunately patterned blouse. “Alexander, please tell me I’m hallucinating that blouse. Please tell me no human being ever thought that would be a good idea.”

He’s shifted his position so that he’s angled where he can see both Alec and the screen, and Alec grins at Magnus’ sincere expression. “If it makes you feel any better,” he says, moving the tray from his lap and onto the couch cushion beside him. “I’m pretty sure this episode is about ten years old.”

Magnus sighs in exaggerated relief, holding a hand to his chest. “Well, that gives me hope that the repulsive thing is now burning in hell, at least.”

Alec chuckles, and moves in one fluid motion to place himself sat next to Magnus. He’s not interested in the program, and the floor's probably going to make his ass ache, but it doesn’t feel right that Alec can sit on the couch when Magnus can’t.

Magnus looks at him with a surprised expression, but he’s biting back a smile, and Alec points to the television. “I think you’re missing it,” he says.

Magnus watches him a moment longer, his expression turned unreadable, before he looks back to the screen.

Alec watches Magnus more than the program, and wonders, not for the first time since he met Magnus, how exactly his life has been turned so upside down so quickly.

And god, has it really only been a week?

Maybe it’s that Magnus has so much personality, maybe it’s that he dominates every room he’s in, maybe it’s that he’s made what was an ordinary, mundane life interesting so easily. But it feels like Alec’s been seeing Magnus for much longer than seven days.

Maybe he was always meant to see him.

-


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, commented, left kudos and subscribed - here's chapter 2! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> As always, any mistakes are my own!

Alec calls Izzy the next morning before work, Magnus stood a few steps behind him, grinning.

He shoots him a glare, as if to say ‘calm down or no cat’, and Alec wonders, absently, if he’s somehow managed to get himself a kid.

“Hey Iz,” he says when she picks up, and she huffs down the line.

“Alec, it’s half 7. Why are you calling me at half 7?” She doesn’t sound happy, but Izzy’s never been a morning person, and if she’s going to succeed in the world of medicine, she really needs to be able to get up before 8.

He decides to ignore her frustration, and instead rolls his eyes, saying, “I was wondering if you were free tomorrow? I’m adopting a cat, could use an extra pair of hands.”

Alec doesn’t know what response he was expecting, but it sure isn’t the one he gets. Izzy squeals down the line, apparently a lot more awake than she was ten seconds ago. Alec pulls the phone away from his ear as her shrill voice pierces through his skull.

“Jeez, calm down, it’s not that exciting,” he says, as Magnus’ grin turns to a smirk.

“It is!” Izzy insists, and Alec can hear the background noise of her climbing out of bed. “What brought this on?” she asks.

Alec doesn’t meet Magnus’ eye as he speaks. “Oh, you know. I just felt like this place could use some livening up.”

Magnus barks out a laugh, covers his mouth, and then, presumably remembering that Izzy can’t hear him, releases his mouth and laughs louder.

Alec smirks, glad that he managed not to cause offence. He’s probably been tiptoeing around Magnus more than he needs to.

“I wonder if we can get a cat that’s as grumpy as you are?” Izzy muses, and Alec huffs.

“I’m not grumpy,” he says, deliberately avoiding Magnus’ growing smirk.

“Alec, I love you, and you are the sappiest person I know. You are also the grumpiest. And I would be honored to help you find a cat that is as sappy and as grumpy as you are.”

Alec rolls his eyes, hoping that Magnus isn’t overhearing too much of this. For some reason, the idea that Magnus might form an opinion of him based on his sister’s gushings doesn’t really sit well with him.

Alec sighs. “Whatever. The nearest shelter is an hour’s drive, so do you wanna come over for 10?”

“Sure! Oh, this is exciting! You’re going to get a cat!”

Alec rolls his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time in an hour. “Why does everyone find cats exciting all of a sudden? What did I miss?”

There’s a beat of silence before Izzy replies, and Alec tenses, preparing for a drastic change in conversation.

“Alec,” Izzy says, slowly, teasingly. “Are you getting a cat to impress someone?”

“What? No!” he blurts out, probably too quickly. “What gave you that idea?” He looks quickly to Magnus to see if he’s listening in, which, of course he is. He looks amused, eyes sparkling with mirth. Alec swallows and turns away.

“Alec, if you don’t find cats interesting, and don’t like the idea of someone finding a cat interesting, then you’re getting a cat because you find a _person_ interesting. A person who likes cats. A person who you want to impress.”

Alec doesn’t risk a glance at Magnus, and says “It’s really nothing like that.”

“Someone at work?” Izzy presses, clearly not deterred. “It’s not Raj is it? I know he looks nice, but he’s so-“

“Izzy,” Alec stops her. He sighs. “It’s just too quiet. I’m not used to living alone. And a cat would be some…low-maintenance company.”

When Izzy replies, she’s gentle, and it reminds Alec of just how much he loves her. “You know you can always call me, right? And I can come round whenever I’m free.”

Alec shakes his head. “Iz, I’m fine, honestly. I’m not lonely. It just gets boring, sometimes.”

Izzy’s quiet for a moment before she speaks again, and there’s a conviction in her voice when she does. “A cat, then. Is Jace coming?”

“He’s still away in New England with Clary, so this will be a surprise for when he’s back.”

“Ooh!” Izzy squeals, and Alec prepares himself for whatever idea has suddenly popped into her brain. “We should have a welcome party!”

Alec furrows his brow in confusion. “A welcome party? For a cat?” he asks, incredulous. He turns to Magnus for some kind of support in his response, but instead, Magnus is grinning, hands clasped, nodding enthusiastically. And, really, it’s Alec’s own fault for not realising that Magnus was exactly the kind of person who would throw a party for a cat.

Izzy’s about to jump in with, no doubt, a list of reasons why it’s a good idea, so Alec speaks to cut her off. “You know what? Fine. Whatever. We can sort it out when it’s settled in.”

“Oh, this is going to be so much fun! Do you need to pick anything up from the pet store, litter, food, bowls?” She sounds so excited, and Alec wishes he could come up with something that would get him so enthusiastic.

“No, I’ll stop by after work today and get everything,” he says, looking down at the list of things Magnus had told him he would need. Alec’s sure that Magnus must have owned a cat when he was alive, because he instinctively knows so much about looking after them. It’s a pretty long list, and Alec’s sure that not all of it is essential; something about ‘three-storey cat tree’ screams ‘something Magnus would buy to pamper an already spoiled cat’, and not ‘object vital for cat-ownership’.

Alec’s already worked Magnus down to a two-storey cat tree. When he comes back with just a regular cat-bed, he’ll tell Magnus the store was out.

-

Magnus is disappointed, but he isn’t surprised when Alec returns that evening with no cat-tree in tow. He sighs, and tuts, and says, “This cat will not be living the life it deserves,” but he’s still gleeful as Alec unpacks the bags on the kitchen table.

“The cat will probably just be glad it’s in a house, and not a shelter,” Alec says, and Magnus hums absent-mindedly, peering at the back of the litter Alec had bought.

After he’s fully assessed Alec’s haul, he straightens up, and says, “This all looks good. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were actually looking forward to getting a cat.”

Alec shrugs, picking up the bag of food and storing it away in a cupboard by the fridge. “I don’t know why everyone thinks I hate cats. They’re fine. And I can see how it would be fun to have one around.”

Magnus nods. “Well, either way, I’m grateful. I just know it’ll make things so much less boring around here.”

Alec rolls his eyes. “You know,” he says, moving to stand directly in front of Magnus, “every time you say that, you’re being really rather rude about my house.”

Magnus raises an eyebrow, and crosses his arms across his chest. “Don’t take things personally, pretty boy. This house could be made out of pogo sticks and I’d still be bored.”

“Short attention span?” Alec throws back, lip curling in a smirk.

Magnus meets the challenge, grin mirroring Alec’s. “High standards.”

Alec snorts. “If those fashion shows are the bottom level for your ‘high standards’, then I’m inclined to disagree with your ability to judge anything.”

Magnus’ eyebrows climb his forehead. “Says the man who never watches TV, and listens to NPR without being bound and gagged first.”

“Says the man who spent the whole of last night singing ‘Viva Forever’ to himself repeatedly.”

Magnus gasps and clutches a hand to his chest, as if wounded. “Don’t you dare bring the Spice Girls into this,” he says, staggering backwards dramatically, hitting his hip against the side of the counter.

Alec loves the Spice Girls, but he doesn’t give Magnus the satisfaction of telling him so. “I’m sure even Geri Halliwell herself couldn’t stand to hear that song so many times,” he says instead, and grins when Magnus narrows his eyes at Alec.

He jabs a finger vaguely in the direction of Alec’s chest, saying, “One more word against what is, undoubtedly, the greatest song of all time, and you will find yourself dealing with a poltergeist tonight.”

There’s a small smile on his face even as he speaks, and Alec laughs at Magnus’ half-hearted attempt at anger. “Don’t you find it ironic,” he says, ignoring Magnus’ long finger, “that you’re a ghost, and your favorite song is literally called ‘live forever’?”

Magnus purses his lips, drops his hand to his side, and thinks for a moment, before lifting his head, and saying, “The irony isn’t lost on me. But perhaps it’s fitting. Even in death, I am living forever.”

It’s a more serious answer than Alec was expecting, but it makes sense all the same, and while the jovial mood is somewhat gone, there’s been no shift away from the comfortable.

“Yeah,” Alec says. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Later, before bed, Alec plays ‘Viva Forever’ at top volume on the speakers Jace got him for Christmas. He hears Magnus scream in delight from the other room, before he starts joining in. Alec sticks his fingers in his ears, but doesn’t stop grinning.

-

Izzy arrives just before 10, and Alec raises an eyebrow at her as he lets her in. “You’re actually on time for once. Is everything he okay?” he asks, only slightly teasing.

Izzy rolls her eyes. “Yes, big brother. I just want to make sure we get to the shelter before all the good cats are gone!”

Magnus huffs from where he’s sat on the floor, and Alec chances a glance at him. “No cat is bad, Alexander,” he says, glaring at the back of Izzy’s head. “Please choose whichever cat looks in the most need of love.”

Alec rolls his eyes at both of them, because they’re both ridiculous. “It’s a cat, Izzy, any cat will do.”

She shrugs, pulling him towards the front door. “Sure. Now come on!”

Alec can’t help but smile as he follows her, and when she’s stepped outside the door, Alec throws a quick wave at Magnus as he leaves.

-

Magnus had expressed some kind of desire to name the cat himself, but it becomes very apparent when they enter the shelter that all the cats already have names, and they’re names that can’t be changed.

Alec and Izzy fill out the required paperwork, and then start wandering through the halls lined with cages of cats. It feels cruel, almost, and every cat looks just so miserable. Alec’s glad Magnus isn’t here, because somehow, he thinks he’d end up taking home every cat they have.

In the second corridor, though, Alec’s eye is caught by a fat grey cat that’s curled up in the corner of its cage. He steps over to it, looking over the information displayed on the front.

Izzy steps up beside him, nodding to the cat, and saying, “This one caught your eye?”

Alec nods, and bends his neck slightly to try and see the cat better. “Something about him,” he says, holding loosely onto the bars. “I don’t know why.”

Izzy nudges him with her elbow. “So get him,” she says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Alec supposes it is.

He nods, and slips a finger through the bars to wave at the grey mass. His ears prick up, and he turns to face Alec, looking at him with the brightest pair of yellow eyes he’s ever seen. Something inside him says that Magnus will love him.

He waggles his fingers a little more, and the cat stands, loping slowly to nuzzle against them, and Alec scratches under his chin gently.

A voice pops up behind them. “Wow, he normally hates people.” Alec and Izzy turn to face the volunteer, who’s watching Alec’s fingers with curiosity. She smiles, and says, “He must really like you.”

Alec glances at the cat, who’s purring softly now, and smiles. “Yeah,” he says, moving his hand to scratch idly at his ears. “I’d like to take him, please?”

The volunteer, Sadie, Alec reads on her badge, claps her hands together in delight. “Excellent! I’ll go grab everything now.”

She heads vaguely in the direction of the office, and Alec focuses all of his attention back on the cat in front of him, who’s settled down against the bars, content to lay under Alec’s ministrations. After a couple of moments, Izzy elbows him again, and says, “Two minutes with this cat, and he’s already turned you into the biggest sap ever.”

Alec snorts. “I thought I was already the biggest sap ever.”

Izzy nods, and grins. “That’s true. This guy just makes it official.”

She sticks her fingers through the bar to stroke gently at the cat’s fur, and pulls back when he snaps at her, nipping at her fingers. Alec smiles even as he scratches under the cat’s chin, and says, “Oh yeah. This is the cat for me.”

Izzy smacks at his shoulder, but she’s laughing as she does it.

-

There’s some kind of emergency at the hospital, and Izzy gets called in when they’re twenty minutes from home, so instead of coming in to help the cat get settled, she kisses Alec on the cheek on the doorstep and shoots off, promising to call him later and check in.

Alec waves her off, pushing open the door as he does, and Magnus is waiting right behind it, practically vibrating with excitement. Alec rolls his eyes as he pushes into the house, heaving the cat carry in with him.

Magnus’ eyes light up when Alec hips the door closed and places the cat carry on the floor, and he leans down to peer through the bars.

“His name’s Church, and he’s all yours,” Alec says, opening the door to the crate.

Magnus sits cross-legged in front of it, and Church warily pokes his head out.

Magnus beams up at Alec. “He’s so fat. And _perfect.”_

Alec grins, sitting next to Magnus on the floor. “We have to keep him inside for a few days, but after that he’s pretty much got free reign. Although, they told me he’s really lazy, so he might not go out much.”

Magnus nods, leaning down further to get a good look at Church, who steps over the threshold of the cat carry. After a few moments, he steps more boldly, moving straight towards Magnus, and, somehow, magically, _unbelievably,_ he climbs into Magnus’ lap. He doesn’t walk _through_ Magnus, doesn’t sit on the ground in Magnus’ silhouette. He climbs into Magnus’ lap, as if Magnus isn’t a ghost at all, as if he’s as solid as Alec.

Alec’s eyes widen almost comically, and he stares at Magnus, who’s staring down at Church in amazement. He looks up at Alec after a moment, and says, “I can _feel_ him, Alexander. How can I feel him?”

Alec shakes his head, because he has absolutely no idea. He reaches a hand out to touch Magnus’ arm, to see if he’s somehow become real since Alec last tried to grab his wrist. His hand still goes straight through Magnus, and he says, “It’s not you. It must be Church.”

Magnus nods, looking back down at Church, who seems to be falling asleep right where he is. Magnus lifts his hands tentatively, before dropping one into Church’s fur, and his breath hitches as he runs his hands through it, stroking him gently. Church starts to purr, and Alec looks back up at Magnus’ face.

He’s looking down at this cat like it’s the greatest being in all creation, wonder painted across his expression, eyes shining with unshed tears. And Alec realises that Magnus hasn’t been able to touch another living thing in years, and so, really, Church probably is the greatest being in all creation.

“Well, Alexander,” Magnus says, clearing his throat, trying to disguise his cracking voice, fingers still buried in Church’s fur. “It seems you managed to pick out a magic cat.”

Alec smiles. “I was drawn to him, and didn’t know why.” He shrugs, and Magnus turns his head to face him. “I suppose this was why,” he finishes, and Magnus smiles.

“Well. I’m very grateful.”

Alec reaches a hand over to bury in Church’s fur alongside Magnus’. Every now and then, his fingers pass through Magnus’.

-

Magnus and Church become inseparable very quickly. Alec’s glad that Magnus has found such joy in what would be an otherwise very dull life, (or… _not-_ life) and Magnus’ grin, open and happy, is always a sight to behold. Magnus pampers Church, _obviously,_ showers him with attention and cuddles, and so Church loves Magnus right back, following him around the house, winding through his legs as he walks.

The thing is, Alec had ended up looking forward to getting a cat. And as happy as he is that Magnus and Church are happy, he can’t help but feel affronted that Church never shows him any attention.

Especially when he’s the one who feeds him, and cleans out his litter tray. And hoovers up his fur, because Church sheds like there’s no tomorrow.

See, at the moment, Alec actually feels like stroking his own damn cat. He hadn’t been lying to Izzy when he said he wanted company, and Church had the softest fur Alec had ever felt. And Alec’s had a tough day at work, and he wants to sit on his couch, watch the news, and pet his cat.

But where is his cat? His cat is currently being lifted in the air by a ghost, who’s pressing kisses into his fur, and saying, “I think we should convince Alexander to give you extra tuna chunks tonight, don’t you?”

It’s cute, and it’s ridiculous, and Alec stands in front of Magnus, and says, “Can I have him for a bit?”

He feels ridiculous, like a kid asking for a turn with a toy, but Magnus raises an eyebrow, and says, “I suppose.”

He holds out Church, and Alec scoops him into his arms, relaxing around the soft fur, more than aware that Magnus is watching him closely. He holds Church to his chest, and strokes through his fur a few times, before getting too self-conscious and sighing. He hands Church back to Magnus, who takes him, but places him onto the floor by their feet.

Church, dutifully, winds around Alec’s legs for once, and it feels like an apology, somehow.

Magnus looks sheepish as he watches Church, and says. “I’ve been taking all of his attention, haven’t I?”

Alec shrugs, bending down to scratch behind Church’s ears. “A little. But he’s also been taking all of your attention.”

Magnus raises an eyebrow as Alec straightens up. “So, somehow, you’re jealous of both of us.”

Alec feels himself flush red, because that’s exactly right, and it sounds so childish. He shakes his head dismissively. “I’m not going to stop you spending time with the only living thing you’re able to touch. And Church loves you too much, I’d be a monster to try to keep you apart.”

Magnus smiles, stepping closer to Alec. “Church is very wonderful, certainly. And it’s still so miraculous that I can touch him. But,” he pauses, clearly trying to pick his words carefully. “I’m much more grateful for your company than Church’s.”

Alec smiles automatically, ducking his head in embarrassment, and he doesn’t have to feel his cheeks to know that they’re hot with his blush. He looks up and meets Magnus’ eyes, and says, “But if Church ever learns to speak, I’m out, right?”

Magnus laughs. “I’m pretty sure that even if Church could speak, he wouldn’t be half as interesting as you are, darling.”

Alec rolls his eyes. “I think that’s the first time anyone’s actually ever called me interesting.”

Magnus looks scandalised, and says, “Well, you must find yourself more friends who appreciate just how captivating you are. You’ve certainly been excellent at making my days fly by.”

“To be fair, before me, you’d spoken to exactly no-one. I don’t think your standards are very high.”

Magnus shakes his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, Alexander. My standards are always impossibly high. And you meet those standards easily.”

-

Five weeks after Alec first met Magnus, he’s sat in bed, wondering how it’s so easy living with a ghost.

It’s not exactly the same as living with a housemate, because Magnus neither makes mess nor cleans up mess. He’s not noisy when he’s not actively talking to Alec, and if Alec doesn’t actively listen for him, it’s sometimes hard to tell that Magnus is there at all.

Magnus tends to be just, hanging around, whenever Alec is at home. He’ll almost always stay in whatever room Alec is in, making conversation, chatting about nothing, making Alec laugh like he’s never laughed before. Unless Church is being particularly demanding, Magnus will spend time with Alec, even just sitting in silence with him as he does paperwork.

Magnus is also very good at telling when Alec just wants to be alone. There are days when Alec feels closed off for no particular reason, and Magnus never pushes, or forces himself into Alec’s company. Alec can’t tell if it’s because Magnus is a ghost, and so somehow can sense moods, or if he just knows Alec that well, but he’s grateful either way.

All in all? It’s easy.

It probably should be weirder that Alec lives with a ghost. He should be scared, or at least annoyed that he’s been forced to live with someone who also happens to be dead.

But Alec likes the company, and god, he likes Magnus. He finds himself so drawn to Magnus, wants to get to know him, wants to spend time with him. Most of the time, Alec forgets that Magnus is a ghost at all.

(Magnus likes to scare him, sometimes, by floating through a wall when he least expects it and hovering behind him until he turns around. In those moments, as Magnus is laughing and walking away, Alec remembers that Magnus is a ghost.)

-

“I thought we were going to throw Church a welcome party?” Magnus asks from where he’s perched on the kitchen counter, watching Alec pour out food for Church.

Alec rolls his eyes. “God, not you as well. Izzy’s been getting on my case about that for weeks.”

“Well there you go then,” Magnus says simply, watching fondly as Church starts to eat. “Although you do know that she just wants any excuse to have a party, right?”

Alec nods, sitting on the kitchen table and facing Magnus. “Oh, I know. But she has her own place. She can have her own party.”

Magnus pouts. “Do you not think Church deserves a party?”

Alec snorts, and says, “He doesn’t care, Magnus. He’s a cat.”

“If you don’t throw him a welcome party, I’ll make you throw him a birthday party,” Magnus says, crossing his arms across his chest.

Alec raises an eyebrow. “Okay then. When’s his birthday?”

Magnus smirks. “Why, didn’t you know? It’s this weekend.”

-

Magnus is obviously very used to throwing parties, because he gives Alec a shopping list that’s as long as his arm, and waves him out of the door with very specific instructions about how much alcohol to buy (and god, Alec is taking instructions from a ghost on how much alcohol to buy for a cat’s birthday party).

He comes back laden with more shopping than he’s bought in probably his whole life, and spends the next hour following Magnus’ exact instructions on how to set everything up, how to serve each type of alcohol, how to display the chips, what music to play.

It’s all way too overboard for such a stupid event, but Magnus is spinning around the house like it’s the most exciting day ever, so Alec can’t bring himself to be too annoyed about the inconvenience.

“Hey,” he says, pulling Magnus’ attention away from inspecting the banner that’s up in the living room wall. “Are you going to be okay? Not being able to actually, you know. Join in the party?”

Magnus straightens up, fiddling with his hair. “I’ll be fine. It’ll be nice watching so many people having fun. And I do love a party.” He’s smiling as he speaks but, somehow, Alec can see the flicker of something uncertain.

He nods, and says, “If it gets too much-“

“If it gets too much, I will take myself away and meditate in the spare room. I’m a big boy. You don’t have to end the party on my account.”

Alec sighs, because he wants to point out that he’s basically throwing the party _for_ Magnus. But he can sense it won’t make a difference, so he smiles, and says, “Sure, okay. As long as you’re sure.”

“I am.” Magnus claps his hands together. “Now, where is Church’s present?” he asks, and Alec pales. He doesn’t even get the chance to reply before Magnus is continuing. “Oh, Alexander. Did you not get Church a birthday present?”

He looks so disappointed, and it makes Alec’s heart clench. “Sorry,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “I spent so much just on the party, I don’t think the thought of a present even crossed my mind.”

He’s trying to be sincere, and Magnus carries on looking at him with _those eyes_ for another moment, before his face cracks into a smile.

“I’m kidding, Alexander.” He’s laughing, and Alec rolls his eyes. “You looked so sad!”

“I thought I’d upset you!” Alec cries out. “Of course I was sad!”

Something flickers in Magnus’ gaze at that, his smile falters, and Alec thinks he might be about to say something. The doorbell rings.

“Showtime,” Magnus says, spreading his hands excitedly. “Let’s knock them dead.” He winks, and gestures for Alec to open the door.

Alec sighs, gathers himself, and goes to let his first guest in.

-

It’s not a big party, by any stretch of the imagination. Alec doesn’t really know that many people, especially not people who would be willing to go to a cat’s birthday party. But Izzy, Jace, Max, Clary, Simon, Lydia, Aline, and a few faces from work all show up, and they look impressed when they see how Alec’s decorated, and Izzy grins at the spread of food and alcohol available.

“You sure this is all for Church?” she asks, nudging him and looking pointedly towards the group of people from work. She’s somehow gotten it into her head that Alec’s really into Raj, which would be hilarious if Raj weren’t so hopelessly in love with David.

Alec rolls his eyes, and they land on Magnus automatically, who’s watching Simon and Jace have an argument over who makes the best paella with an amused grin. Izzy follows his line of sight, and says, “What, what are you looking at?”

Alec clears his throat hurriedly. “Nothing, sorry. And no, I’m not doing this for anyone other than Church. Although god knows that cat doesn’t need his ego stroking.” He thinks about how often he comes home to find Magnus curled up with him, declaring him to be the greatest cat in all of creation. Church must think he owns the place by now.

He shrugs. “And it’s nice to have people over. But I’m not trying to impress anyone.”

She doesn’t look totally satisfied at that, but leaves it be long enough to curl an arm around Simon’s elbow and draw him away from Jace, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, and saying, “Don’t worry, Jace always over-cooks his rice.”

It makes Simon grin, Jace splutter, and Clary laugh, and Alec’s heart swells at having all his favorite people around him. After he’s been stood on his own, slightly apart from the group for a few moments, Magnus steps up beside him, and says, “I thought there’d be more people.”

Alec snorts, and murmurs back, as quietly as he can, “This is about the turn out I’d imagine for a cat’s birthday party.” He manages not to attract any attention as he says it, and glances at Magnus.

Magnus looks affronted, and says, “But Alexander, Church is no ordinary cat. I think for next year, we should throw him a parade, get the whole town involved.” He hums thoughtfully. “Maybe we can book out a club.”

“Would Church even be allowed into the club?” Alec mumbles back.

“We may have to pay extra, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Alec snorts, and it makes Clary look up at him, eyebrow raised inquisitively. Alec waves at her awkwardly, and Magnus laughs from beside him. He shoots him a glare, as if to say, ‘This is _your_ fault,’ but there’s no heat to it, and Magnus just smirks in response.

“Hey Alec,” Jace calls out, pulling Alec’s gaze away from Magnus. His eyes are glassy, and wow, he’s drunk already. “Look out, birthday boy’s coming to you!” Alec looks down to see Church strutting towards him, and then watches as he winds around Magnus’ legs, miaowing up at him.

Magnus looks pained, and Alec knows how hard it is for him not to lift Church up immediately, because Church has Magnus wrapped around his paw. Instead, Alec leans down and heaves Church up, holding him close to his chest, and Magnus scratches a finger behind his ear.

“Alec?”

Alec looks up at Simon, and notices that most of the party have fallen silent, watching him curiously.

“Yeah?” he asks, petting Church absently, who’s purring happily in his arms.

“Your cat…just did something weird.”

Alec looks down at Church, and then back up at Simon. “What do you mean?”

Simon clears his throat. “He kinda…you know. Miaowed at the air. And he twisted himself weirdly.”

Alec glances at Magnus, and clears his throat. “Yeah, he does that sometimes.”

“Is he okay?” Clary asks, stepping forward and running a hand over Church’s head. “When my cat did that when I was kid, it turned out he’d had a stroke.” She says it softly, as if worried she might upset Alec.

Alec shakes his head. “He’s fine, honestly. He’s just a little strange.” He presses a kiss to the top of Church’s head, and says, “Don’t worry bud. I appreciate your quirks, even if no one else does.”

Izzy chuckles, and steps over to him. “He’s just been miaowing at the air a lot, and getting himself into weird positions. But if this is just how he is, then I guess that’s okay.”

“Yeah, you leave my weird cat alone,” Alec says, and then Jace is standing with him, rolling his eyes.

“God, I didn’t think you could be any sappier,” he says, and Alec smacks a hand against his arm. “Come on, get back to the party.”

-

“Well, Alexander, you certainly outdid yourself with that,” Magnus says once everyone’s gone, immediately swooping in to lift Church into his arms.

Alec doesn’t reply, but groans from where he’s collapsed on the couch. He presses a hand over his eyes, because he hopes that if he does that for long enough, then maybe the room will stop spinning.

Magnus chuckles and settles down on the floor in front of him. “Perhaps you should head to bed. It’s quite late.”

Alec groans again, dropping his hand to his side. “I can’t believe it went on so long,” he says, glancing at the clock on the wall. It’s gone half 2 in the morning, and the party had started at 6. Alec’s pretty sure he hasn’t been this drunk since college, and if the state of the others is anything to go by, then it’s been a while for them too.

“It was a good party,” Magnus nods. “I particularly enjoyed watching seven drunk adults attempt to play spin the bottle.”

“Oh god,” Alec says, remembering his string of truths. Somehow, he doesn’t like the idea that Magnus knows all about the time he got with three guys in one night.

“Nothing wrong with a little promiscuity, darling. To be honest, it’s nice to know that you haven’t always been so highly strung.”

“Huh?” Alec asks, eloquently.

Magnus laughs. “If I could, I would give you a massage, because you always look like you’re carrying a boulder on your shoulders. I don’t know how being a lawyer can induce such stress, but I’m glad you know how to let your hair down.”

Alec snorts. “Hate to break it to you, but I’ve always been ‘highly strung’. I just used to be it while sucking dick.”

Magnus makes a sound like a splutter, and Alec looks down at him, eyebrow raised.

Magnus is smiling when he meets Alec’s eyes, and says, “You are very drunk, Alexander.”

Alec hums in agreement. “I don’t think I can make it to bed though.”

“You’ll regret it if you fall asleep there.”

Alec shakes his head, but regrets it immediately when his stomach lurches suddenly. “Well, you’re welcome to carry me,” Alec grits out when his insides stop turning.

“It’s a delightful offer, certainly,” Magnus replied, fingers running through Church’s fur.

“I wish you could,” Alec mumbles, so quietly that Magnus almost misses it entirely. His face is pressed into the sofa cushion, his eyes closed, as if he’s just about to fall asleep. “Just wanna touch sometimes,” he murmurs, and Magnus watches him closely as his breathing evens out.

Alec looks uncomfortable where he’s propped; Magnus wants to find a way to lay him down, or at least cover him with a blanket. He surveys Alec for a few more moments, before sighing, and carrying Church to his own bed.

-

Alec’s head feels like a chainsaw when he wakes up the next morning, and his neck is stiff from where he’s been lying awkwardly against the back of the sofa. He blinks up at the sunlight that’s streaming in through the window, and groans at the sight of empty bottles all over the floor.

Who would have thought that a cat’s birthday party would end so messily?

Well. Probably Magnus. He seemed to know how much alcohol tended to be involved.

He straightens himself up, and looks around the room to see if Magnus or Church is anywhere nearby. When he sees no one, he stands hesitantly, mindful of his painful head, and calls out, “Magnus? Church?”

Church trots happily in from the kitchen, winding himself between Alec’s legs and purring gently, and Alec smiles while he leans down to pet him, asking, “Where did Magnus go? You’re not normally that far apart.”

Church doesn’t register Alec’s question, and continues rubbing himself against Alec’s legs, so Alec wanders through to the kitchen to pour him his food.

Magnus is sat on the counter, and Alec smiles at him. “Good morning. You okay?”

Magnus smiles back up at him. “I think I should be asking you that. You were quite drunk last night.”

Alec shrugs. “My head hurts, but otherwise I’m not too bad. I didn’t embarrass myself too much, did I?”

Magnus twirls a hand in the air. “I learnt a little about your college days, but other than that, it was all fairly tame.”

Alec nods, sighing. “Well, it seems you do sure know how to throw a party.”

Magnus laughs. “It did come quite naturally. Perhaps I was a party planner when I was alive.”

Alec smiles, because that would fit quite well with what he knows about Magnus – loud, bold, colourful, good at planning, good at picking out music. He can imagine Magnus at the centre of a room, making a group of people laugh, everyone’s attention on him. Magnus should have a job where he’s the centre of attention.

“Were you okay just watching?” Alec asks, stepping closer to where Magnus is sat. “I thought it might be boring.”

Magnus shakes his head, smiling fondly. “I feel like I’ve spent evenings watching people get drunk before. It was very amusing. Besides, once everyone was drunk enough, I got to have some special time with my favourite little man.”

He’s making a cooey face at Church, and Alec rolls his eyes. “That sounds so wrong, Magnus.”

Magnus huffs. “Just because you don’t understand our love does not mean you are allowed to mock it, Alexander.”

Alec laughs, moving to the cupboard and pulling out some bread. “Trust me, I’ve been living with the both of you long enough to fully understand your ‘bond’.”

Magnus laughs, but his face soon turns to something different, and Alec pulls himself up to sit on the counter next to him. “What’s wrong?”

Magnus shakes his head as if trying to brush away his thoughts, but he must fail, because he turns to Alec and says, “It just made me wonder, about my friends and family. Whoever they are.”

Alec feels his heart thud in his chest. “Yeah,” he says, softly. “They must really miss you.”

“Do you think?” Magnus asks, eyes shining with something like hope, and Alec has never seen Magnus be anything other than bold and confident before. Not really.

“Yeah,” Alec says, with all the surety he can muster. “Yeah. I know I would.”

Magnus snorts, and looks down at his hands, fingers playing with the rings there. “Sure, you’d miss the ghost that came with the house you bought.”

“I would,” Alec says, confident but quiet. “I like having you here.”

Magnus doesn’t seem to know what to say to that. He opens his mouth a few times as if to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Maybe,” Alec says, thinking carefully. “Maybe I could try to find your family. If I go back through the records of this house, we might find a name you recognise. Maybe yours, if you owned it.” Magnus is watching him, eyes wide. “If you’re a ghost, you might have unfinished business. If we found your family, you could finish it.”

Magnus swallows. “I’d probably leave, if I finished it,” he says, voice almost inaudible.

Alec nods slowly. “Yeah. And I’d miss you.” Magnus smiles sadly, and Alec’s suddenly overwhelmed with the need to lace their fingers together. “But would you be happy being a ghost forever?”

There’s a beat of silence, before Magnus sighs. He looks like he’s trying to come up with something over the top and eloquent to say, but instead, he settles on, “If you left? Probably not.”

“I’m not leaving for a long time,” Alec replies. “But if you want me to, I can try to figure out who you are.”

Magnus looks conflicted, and Alec wants to run his fingers across his face, and smooth out the worried lines there. Eventually, he says, “Okay. Go ahead. Let’s finish my business.”

He doesn’t sound happy as he says it. Alec doesn’t feel happy either. He doesn’t know why.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this chapter, just so you're warned - thank you to everyone who's read, commented, left kudos, and subscribed! Every little thing means the world to me, and I treasure every thing you guys send.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It’s not difficult for Alec to head down to City Hall and dig up all the records on his house. There’s a small fee, but as the owner he’s pretty much given blanket permission to find out everything there is to know about it.

It’s not a very old house, maybe ten years or so, and it’s only had three owners, beside Alec. The Brents, who Alec bought it from, someone named Valentine Morgensten, and a man named Paul Shutter.

He shows the list to Magnus, who shakes his head at the names.

“Paul Shutter did die here,” Alec points out, looking at the how the house was passed onto the bank, who then sold it on. “Although I don’t think that’s you, because he was in his eighties when he died.”

Magnus hums thoughtfully, looking through the names. “I don’t remember a Valentine. But I do remember the Brents. So maybe I died when Valentine Morgensten was here.”

Alec nods. “I looked him up. He’s the manager of a big fashion chain, I think they sell discount clothing. He still lives in New York.”

“Did you find out anything else about him?” Magnus asks.

Alec grabs his laptop from where it’s sitting beside him, opens it, and shows Magnus the results page. “He’s just been in a lot of feuds with a lot of designers. Apparently he was accused of stealing high-end clothes, as well as designs, to sell at cut-price. But they could never prove anything.” Magnus ’eyes are scanning the screen closely. “You’re interested in fashion. Maybe you were friends?”

Magnus snorts. “I don’t think I’d be friends with someone who stole clothes and designs for profit.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Alec rubs a hand over his face. “He moved out three years ago. I can probably find a way to contact him, if you want?”

Alec wants to find out more, because he thinks this is their best chance at finding out what happened, but he doesn’t say so. He wants this to be Magnus’ decision, wants Magnus to want to know more about his past.

Magnus is looking at the picture of Valentine intently. “Yeah,” he says, slowly. “If you feel like you can talk to him, maybe you should.”

Alec nods. “Okay.” He studies Magnus’ face for a moment, watches the shadows there, watches how his jaw clenches and unclenches. He looks so solid. Alec wants to reach out, cup his cheek in his hand, rub his thumb under his eye. “Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t recognise him?”

Magnus doesn’t answer immediately, but when he does, he’s quiet. “I don’t know. I don’t think I trust him, though. Be careful, Alexander.”

Alec nods, unable to pull his gaze away from Magnus’ profile. “I’ll be fine. But you tell me if you want me to not talk to him, okay?”

Magnus nods, and turns to face Alec. He smiles; it’s a genuine smile.

-

The contact details for Valentine’s head office are on its website, and so the next time Alec has a spare moment at work, he calls the number given.

He, of course, doesn’t get to speak to Valentine himself, but he leaves a message with his assistant, just a brief, ‘I live in your old house, and there are a couple of things I’d like to clarify with you.’

He doesn’t tell Magnus about it, because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, and he knows that Valentine might take ages to get back to him.

Magnus doesn’t ask, and they fall back into their own comfortable routine. When he’s not at work, Alec will go out with Jace and Izzy, or they’ll come over and play cards and drink, and Magnus might sit in the corner, smirking and laughing. Sometimes he’ll go off with Church and amuse himself for the evening, even when Alec doesn’t have company; he seems to have some kind of sixth sense for Alec’s moods, and as much as Alec loves spending time with Magnus, he can be…overwhelming, at times. He’s naturally enigmatic, and commands such attention. It’s attention that Alec’s happy to give, most of the time, but there are days when he just needs some time off.

Most of the time, it’s just Alec and Magnus. They’ll talk about nothing, or they’ll watch TV, or a movie. If Alec is reading a book that Magnus finds interesting, he’ll sit on the living room floor, and Magnus will sit beside him and read right along with him. Alec’s a faster reader than Magnus, used to speed reading documents, so he’ll wait for Magnus to make a noise before he turns the page.

It feels so domestic, and Alec genuinely finds himself breathless at the thought that he may one day have to live without this…this ease.

If Magnus manages to resolve whatever business is keeping his spirit tied to the Earth, then he’ll leave, and it’ll be just Alec. And Alec’s not sure he can face a lifetime living in this house without Magnus. He’s only been there for three months, and yet.

And what if Alec has to move on? What if he gets transferred? Could he leave Magnus here with a total stranger?

What if Alec dates? How’s Alec supposed to make that all make sense in his head?

He supposes he should be looking at relationships. Izzy keeps pushing, and Jace is always leaving subtle hints that really aren’t so subtle. And there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be dating, meeting people, having sex. He’s 27, successful, owns his own house. To anyone on the outside, it would be crazy that he’s single.

But for Alec, dating would be weird. Something about it doesn’t sit right, in his mind. And he doesn’t mind being single, because, somehow, coming home after work, and spending an evening doing the crossword with Magnus, seems far preferable to anything else he can think of.

And, okay, he gets that it’s weird. And that Magnus is a ghost.

But it’s _Magnus._

And it’s with that thought, three months after meeting his ghost, that Alec realises he’s in love with Magnus.

Alec’s not sure how many people in the world have fallen in love with ghosts. It figures that he would be one of them, though.

It doesn’t change anything, because Alec realises he’s probably been in love longer than he’d care to admit. And it’s not like he can do anything about it. Even if Magnus felt anything back, which seems very unlikely, what could they do? Date? They can’t even touch, let alone do anything else.

And Alec’s never been good at emotions or relationships. So, faced with such a situation, he decides that, maybe, the best course of action is to solve the mystery of who Magnus is.

If there’s no way he can be with Magnus, then he can at least bring him some peace. He doesn’t want to be the reason why Magnus’ tormented soul has to walk the earth for all eternity. Not if he can help it.

Three weeks after he first calls Valentine, Alec walks into his office building.

-

Valentine doesn’t look like he belongs in the fashion world, not in the way that Magnus does. He seems rather somber, dressed all in black, black t-shirt, black jeans. But then, this isn’t really a world Alec has given any thought to before meeting Magnus, so what would he know?

Alec’s a lawyer, and a good one at that, so it’s relatively easy to get past reception with some spiel about some papers that need signing. It takes a bit longer to actually get to speak to Valentine, but within the hour he’s directed to his office, so Alec takes it as a win.

Valentine looks exasperated, and waves Alec into a seat opposite his desk with barely a glance in his direction. His office is drab, lifeless, barely any light coming in from the small windows. It’s somehow not what he expects from a high-flying fashion executive.

“What papers do you need me to sign?”

He’s brisk, already leafing through another pile of papers.

“Actually, Mr Morgensten, I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me.”

Valentine rolls his eyes, but looks up at Alec anyway. “What is this even about? Are you from my legal department?”

Alec clears his throat, mentally preparing what he’s about to say. “Actually, no. It’s about your old house? Did you know someone called Magnus while you were living there?”

And if Alec was expecting any kind of response, it’s not what happens next: not the way Valentine’s face grows pale, his eyes grow wide, and his jaw clenches. Alec’s hit a nerve.

He rises from his desk suddenly, and when he speaks, his voice is low, barely above a whisper. “Who sent you here? How do you know about that?” He’s practically fuming with anger, and whatever Alec had been expecting, it wasn’t this.

“I just found some-“

“What?” Valentine cuts in. “You found what?”

Alec opens his mouth and then closes it again. He’d figured he could say he found some kind of ID card with ‘Magnus’ written on it, but he feels like if he doesn’t get out soon, he might not make it out.

“Exactly,” Valentine says when Alec doesn’t reply. “Do you know how much legal trouble you could be in by coming here and speaking about this?”

Alec grits his teeth, feeling suddenly bold. Because right now he feels like Valentine killed Magnus, and if he did, then Alec couldn’t care less about what happens to him. “Speaking about what, exactly?” he asks, rising from his chair, coming eye to eye with Valentine.

Valentine is silent for a few moments, a vein throbbing in the side of his neck. “Get out,” he says, hoarsely.

Alec doesn’t leave immediately. He holds Valentine’s gaze for a few moments longer, says, “This isn’t over,” and turns to leave.

-

Alec doesn’t go home straight away. He makes a detour to the police station, because he’s got a feeling, a hunch, and Alec’s hunches are almost never wrong.

He’s met Luke more than a few times, and while they’re not exactly best friends, they get along well enough. He’s at all of Clary’s social gatherings, and he’s always one of the easiest people to talk to.

While he’s never visited him at work before, he knows which precinct he works in, and he knows who to ask to pretty much get sent straight to his desk.

Luke greets him with a smile and a strong handshake, and says, “Alec, good to see you! What can I do for you?”

Alec settles in the seat next to Luke’s desk, and clears his throat. There’s nothing that illegal about what he’s doing, but it’s not exactly above board, and he knows he’s putting Luke in an awkward position by asking. But this is for Magnus, so he goes ahead, and asks, “I was wondering if you could look up some files for me? There’s someone I need to find some things out about. And I also need to check if you have any information on my new house. If that’s possible.”

Luke looks taken aback, and he furrows his brow in confusion. “Is this for a case? I thought you only did corporate law?”

Alec nods, ducking his head. “Yeah. This is for something else. I’m actually asking this as more of a personal favor.” He gives Luke a smile, the kind of smile that he hopes is saying ‘I really hate to ask you, but I don’t have much of a choice.’ Alec knows his facial expressions don’t always say what he wants them to, though. So instead, he says, “I hate to put you in an awkward position. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate. Please feel free to say no.” He means it, because he knows he’s asking a lot. Especially given that he and Luke don’t know each other _that_ well.

Luke shakes his head, as if to clear his thoughts. “I’ll do a quick search for you. Who did you want to check? And what’s your new address?”

Alec hands over a piece of paper with both Valentine’s name and his new address, and he folds his hands into his lap anxiously, watching Luke tap into his keyboard.

He frowns, hits a few more buttons, and says, “Valentine does have a record, but I don’t have access to it. That’s strange.” He clicks his mouse, types a few more words. He shakes his head. “No getting past that without alerting higher ups. Sorry.” He looks genuinely apologetic, and Alec waves him off.

“Honestly, it’s fine. Thank you for looking though.”

Luke smiles, and taps in Alec’s address. “Okay,” he says, scrolling. “A couple of reports of ambulances being called. One was a while ago, when the owner had a heart attack. Another about five years ago. Huh,” he says, eyes narrowing.

Alec sits up straight. “What?”

“I can’t find anymore information about that. Don’t even know who the ambulance was called for. Or who attended.”

“Is it blocked, like Valentine’s file?” Alec asks, leaning forward.

Luke shakes his head. “No. It’s more like it’s been…wiped clean. That’s not right.” He’s clearly frustrated by what’s on the screen, and Alec frowns.

“Valentine owned the house when that second call for the ambulance was made,” he says, and Luke’s eyebrows rise in surprise.

“So something’s going on there,” Luke supplies, and Alec nods.

“Valentine’s got friends in high places,” Alec says.

Luke frowns. “Seems so.”

-

As he’s leaving the precinct, Alec is sure of what happened; it isn’t hard to put together, and it seems obvious now he thinks about it. Valentine killed Magnus, but was able to cover it up, through police, and probably also media, contacts.

But _why?_

How is Alec supposed to tell Magnus this? How do people react to finding out they were murdered? _Should_ he tell Magnus this? They need to come up with some kind of resolution to this, or Magnus will be stuck as a ghost forever. But what are they supposed to do? _Seriously?_

Alec’s thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of his phone, and he breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that it’s Izzy calling.

“Come for coffee with me,” she says before he even has a chance to say hello.

He thinks about saying no, because he really needs to work out what he’s going to say to Magnus. They need to sit down and figure out what they’re going to do, Alec needs to work out how to get the evidence to prosecute Valentine. He needs to speak to Magnus.

But it’s such an overwhelming concept. And he doesn’t like the idea of spending his time learning the details of Magnus’ death. Every now and then, he thinks about the fact that Magnus is dead, and that thought alone is enough to make his heart feel like it’s shattering into a million pieces.

He needs time. And it’s hard to say no to Izzy anyway. “Where?” he asks.

-

“You look like someone just blew out all your birthday candles,” she says, as soon as he sits down across from her in _Coffee Architects._

Alec rolls his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

She pushes his coffee over to him, and he takes a sip, shooting her a grateful smile. “Seriously,” she says, picking up her own coffee cup. “What’s up?”

Alec thinks for a moment before answering. Because Izzy does know a lot about the fashion world. Maybe she’s heard something about Valentine. “What do you know about Valentine Morgensten?”

She’s confused by his question, obviously, and raises an eyebrow. “Not what I was expecting to hear from you.”

Alec sighs. “I know. But do you know anything?”

She takes a drink from her cup, and nods, slowly. “Not a lot. He’s very secretive. Especially after everything with Magnus Bane five years ago.”

Alec’s head shoots up then, eyes wide, and Izzy leans back. “Magnus?” he asks.

Izzy nods. “Yeah. Why?”

“What happened?” he asks, ignoring her question, because Izzy has apparently had the answers to all of his questions all along, and he doesn’t want to waste another second not knowing the truth.

Luckily, Izzy is used to Alec being weird. “Magnus Bane was this big time designer, really up and coming. Valentine kept stealing his designs to sell for virtually nothing. Apparently, Magnus Bane went to confront him, and Valentine lashed out. Something happened with some kind of replica sword he had.”

Alec’s heart clenches. He _really_ doesn’t like the thought of Magnus getting hurt.

“Did he go to prison?” Alec asks, even though he already knows the answer.

Izzy shakes her head. “No. He managed to do a huge cover up, with both the police and the media. Nothing ever happened because of it.” She sighs. “Word spread, though, unofficially. Everyone even vaguely interested in the industry knows about it. Valentine’s suffered a lot because of it.” She takes another sip. “I can’t believe that, just because you know the right people, you can put someone in a coma and get away with it.”

And Alec’s world narrows, suddenly. The words are on his tongue, and he doesn’t know how to speak them. “C-coma?” he stammers out eventually.

Izzy nods. “Yeah. Five years now. I think doctors want to give up, but Magnus has got some pretty determined friends.”

Alec swallows, once, twice. He pushes his chair back abruptly, and stands. “I have to go, I’m sorry.”

He turns before she can stop him, and he ignores her calls to him. Magnus is alive.

That’s all Alec can think about.

The ghost that’s been living in his house isn’t a ghost, and _Magnus is alive._

-

Alec’s not sure how he even makes it home in one piece. He’s going faster than he thought possible, head spinning with a thousand possibilities, mind reeling. He manages to stumble onto the subway, aware that he probably looks crazily manic to the other passengers. He connects to the subway’s wifi, and quickly googles everything he can find about Magnus. Magnus _Bane._ Alec knows his name now. The knowledge makes him dizzy.

Everything Izzy told him is right, he soon learns. The newspapers don’t have a lot of information, probably because of Valentine’s ability to wipe the media clean, but there are articles published by Magnus’ friends and fans, detailing everything, and there’s even a twitter feed called #JUSTICEFORMAGNUSBANE, with updates from the hospital where he’s been for the last 5 years.

The last tweet is from three days earlier. An update from a woman named Catarina Loss. ‘Still nothing officially wrong. We’re still hopeful. Won’t let him down.’

Alec almost misses his stop because he’s bent over his phone. Here is Magnus, his life, his friends, his fans, all ready, an army of devotees – it’s been here all along, just a click away.

He thinks that this may be the greatest news he’s ever received.

He obviously still looks slightly crazed when he opens the front door, because Magnus looks up from where he’s sat on the floor, and says, “Alexander? Are you okay?”

Alec takes a few breaths, shuts the door, and sits down opposite Magnus. “I went to see Valentine today,” he says, choosing his words carefully. He wants to tell Magnus this in the right way. Magnus nods for him to continue. “I mentioned your name. You know, ‘Magnus’. And he got so mad, screamed at me, and ordered me to leave.”

Magnus raises an eyebrow. “Huh.”

“Yeah,” Alec says. “So I went to see a guy I know who works at the police station, Luke, Clary’s step-dad? And he couldn’t find any information on Valentine, but because his file was blocked. And there was information about a call-out made from this house that was wiped.” Magnus doesn’t reply, and is obviously putting some pieces together in his head. “I thought it might be a lost cause, or that I’d have to find someone higher up to help me, but then I met with Izzy for coffee. And I figured, she knows about fashion. So I asked her about Valentine. And well.” He leans forward, makes sure that Magnus is looking right at him. “You’re. You’re not dead.”

Alec doesn’t know what he expects from Magnus, but it’s not the derisory snort, followed by Magnus gesturing to himself. “I beg to differ,” he says, eyes teasing.

“No, Magnus.” Alec lowers his voice. “You’re in a coma. You were a fashion designer, and Valentine kept stealing your designs. You came here to confront him, but he hit you round the head with some kind of blunt sword. You’ve been in a coma for five years.”

He pulls out his phone, shows Magnus the twitter feed, scrolling slowly so he can take it all in.

After a few moments, Magnus blinks. “Oh. Well.”

Alec blinks, before realising he’s looking into thin air. Magnus has vanished, and Alec deflates.

-

He reappears a few minutes later, and Alec still hasn’t moved from where he’s sat.

“Sorry,” he says, as Magnus settles in front of him. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

Magnus shakes his head. “It’s me who should be apologising. I shouldn’t have left like that.”

Alec nods. He doesn’t want to break the fragile silence that falls upon them, so he just watches until Magnus decides to speak again.

“It’s a lot to take in,” he says, finally.

Alec nods. “I know.” He pauses, searching Magnus’s unreadable face for some kind of indication of how he’s feeling. “Are you happy?” he asks, cautiously.

“Yes,” Magnus says, immediately. “I just…don’t know what to do with this information.”

Alec smiles sadly. “Yeah. We’ve got to find a way to get you back into your body.”

“Oh, is that all?” Magnus asks, voice lilting, teasing.

Alec laughs. “Yep, nothing to it,” he says. “I do it every other day.”

It’s nice to have their old energy back, to know that it’s never far out of reach. Their laughter dissipates, and Magnus says, “So where do we start?”

Alec shrugs. “Google?”

Magnus rolls his eyes, but agrees. “Google,” he says, pulling himself up to standing, and offering out a hand for Alec. Alec nearly takes it, but Magnus pulls back, presumably realising that his hand is no good to Alec.

They forget, sometimes. It happens.

-

Google, on the whole, assumes that if you’re trying to get a spirit back into its body, then you’ll have some kind of access to that body. Magnus is, apparently, a pretty unique case. Because there’s no way Magnus can leave the house; every time he tries, it’s like he comes up against a force field, that pushes him back in. (He’d tried jumping out the window once, he told Alec not long after they’d first met. Same problem.)

And Alec can’t exactly _steal Magnus’ body_ from a hospital. That wouldn’t work for so many reasons.

It also doesn’t help that, strangely enough, the community surrounding getting-ghosts-back-into-their-bodies isn’t very large. It’s also hard to tell who’s legitimate and who’s just bullshitting.

Magnus hovers behind Alec the whole time that he’s researching, stopping him when he sees something interesting. They don’t find anything specifically helpful, and Alec genuinely considers whether he should just go all out and hire a psychic.

Magnus shakes his head, defiantly. “It’s so difficult to find a psychic who actually knows what they’re talking about. You’d pay for dozens before you found anyone legitimate.”

Alec raises an eyebrow at that. “I didn’t think any psychics were legitimate,” he says, and Magnus chuckles, leaning on the kitchen counter behind him.

“I’m willing to bet, darling, that you also didn’t believe in ghosts.”

Alec smiles. “True,” he says, teasing. “But in case you’ve forgotten, I’ve yet to meet an actual ghost.”

Magnus hums happily. “True,” he concedes, smiling. Alec won’t ever get used to that smile.

Alec looks back to the computer screen, and scrolls a little further, sighing. He’s not really focusing on the words, not properly, because he feels like he’s seen this page before. But then Magnus is suddenly right next to him, pointing, and saying, “Wait. What’s that?”

Alec leans in, and looks at the paragraph that Magnus is pointing to. He reads carefully. ‘If you can’t get the spirit to the body, or vice versa, a token may be used instead. Anything significant to the individual. Take it to the spirit, and then the body. That worked for my brother.’

Alec leans back. “Okay,” he says, slowly, drawing the word out as he speaks. “A token. Like what?”

Magnus shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m guessing it has to be significant to me in some way.”

Alec nods, and pauses after he does so. “Oh, “ he says, eyes brightening.

“What?” Magnus asks, face close to Alec’s.

“Well;” Alec takes a breath. “What about your rings?”

Magnus looks down at his hands, eyes widening. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “That could work.”

-

It’s not a particularly good plan, by any stretch of the imagination. Alec had wanted to speak to one of Magnus’ friends, and see if maybe they could get the ring for him, but Magnus had shaken his head. “Who’s going to believe you? About me? They’ll think you’re crazy.”

“I could find a way to convince them?” Alec had protested, weakly. ”Prove that I know you?”

And Magnus had shaken his head, eyes sad, smile sadder. “Darling, I know so little about myself. All that we know is what you’ve found from the internet.”

Which, okay, point.

And so. The plan.

It’s not complicated, really. It basically just involves sneaking into Magnus’ hospital room, stealing one of his rings, and sneaking back again after they – well, after they what? Infuse Magnus into the ring?

It’s crazy, and probably won’t work. But they don’t really have a lot of options.

After checking the twitter feed compulsively, they figure out that the only day when no one seems to visit Magnus in the hospital is on Sundays. (Alec tries not to well up at how Magnus’ eyes water when he realises how loved he must be.)

“What if you’re not wearing any rings?” Alec asks as he’s preparing to leave for the hospital, his heart high in his throat, his adrenaline already running.

Magnus sighs. “I don’t know. I hope that I am. But I guess, then we’ll have to speak to Catarina, or Ragnor.”

Alec nods. “Okay.” He steps towards the door, places a hand on the handle. “Wish me luck,” he says, at a loss for anything else to say.

Magnus offers a small smile, and Church miaows from where he’s curling around Magnus’ ankles. “Don’t do anything too reckless,” Magnus says, eyes earnest. “I’m serious. It’s not worth getting yourself into danger for.”

Alec looks down at his feet. “Yeah, it is,” he says, unable to look at Magnus’ face as he speaks. “But I won’t do anything stupid.”

Magnus sighs, and steps closer to Alec, and Alec wishes more than anything that he could grip onto Magnus’ hand, desperate for something to hold onto, for something to ground him.

He looks up, and into Magnus’ eyes, and Magnus smiles. “I’m very glad that you moved in,” he says. “And I’m very glad that you saw me.”

Alec smiles. “Yeah,” he says. “Me too.”

-

The hospital is the same as every other hospital Alec has been to. It’s busy, frantic, but also quiet, the smell of bleach and urine ever-present in the air. He slips through the hallways, avoiding eye contact with anyone who passes, and follows the signs carefully to ward B.

The official twitter feed never stated what room Magnus was being kept in, for fear of crazed fans making their way to him, but they said what ward he was in, so that they could send flowers and gifts of good will. All Alec has to do is find the room.

The doors have windows, and he tries to look as subtle as possible as he peeks through each one. After a few minutes, he looks through one, and freezes.

He looks from side to side, makes sure there’s no one watching, and pushes the door open.

Magnus is lying on the bed, surrounded by wires, looking for all the world like he’s sleeping. His face is covered by an oxygen mask, there must be at least six different drips connected to him, and, on his finger, and oxygen monitor.

An oxygen monitor on the finger that has his only ring on. It’s chunky, silver, with an engraved ‘M’, and Alec sighs in relief.

Seeing Magnus like this is…more painful than he thought it would be. He wants to reach out a hand to brush across his forehead, to push away the strand of hair that’s fallen there. It’s longer than the hair of the Magnus he knows. The strip of colour has faded away entirely.

He steps forward, and carefully lifts Magnus’ hand, his breath hitching when he realises that this is the first time he’s ever touched him. He quickly unclips the oxygen monitor, twists the ring off as quickly and carefully as he can, and clips the monitor back on. He steals a glance at the machines around Magnus, looking to see if he’s set off any kind of alarm, and breathes a sigh of relief when he realises nothing has changed.

He slips Magnus’ ring into his pocket, murmurs, quickly, “I’ll be back soon, I promise,” and leaves the room again.

-

Magnus is waiting for him when he returns home, sat on the kitchen counter, legs swinging and feet hitting against the cupboard below. He looks up when Alec comes in, eyes wide and hopeful, and Alec nods, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the ring.

Magnus gasps, and reaches for it, but Alec pulls it back. “Wait,” he says, and Magnus pulls back. “What if you disappear? What if it doesn’t work?”

Magnus takes a moment to digest his words, and says, slowly, sadly, “I don’t know.”

Alec sighs, lifts himself up onto the counter beside Magnus, turning slightly to face him. “If this works the way I think it will, you’ll disappear as soon as you touch this. So let me say something first.”

Magnus is silent, and Alec has to take a few moments just to breathe, to think through what he wants to say, because this is his chance, his opportunity not to mess it up, for once in his life.

He breathes. He speaks. “Meeting you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Even before I knew you were alive, you were one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’m immensely grateful that you came into my life.”

Magnus is silent, watching him closely.

“I don’t know how this happened,” Alec admits. “I don’t normally… It takes a lot to, I don’t know, get through to me? But you did. And, if I don’t get to see you again, if this goes wrong, or if you somehow forget? Then, Magnus. I. I love y-“

“Stop,” Magnus interrupts, and Alec looks up, heart sinking, eyes watering. But Magnus looks just as devastated as Alec does, face open, eyes alive. “Don’t say it if it means goodbye,” he says, voice cracking.

Alec shakes his head. “I don’t want to say goodbye. But I need you to know.”

Magnus nods. “I’m not going to forget,” he says, defiant. “If this works, I’m not going to forget, so there’s no need to say goodbye.”

Alec doesn’t say what he wants to say, doesn’t say, ‘you might forget, you might forget me,’ because Magnus seems so sure, and who is Alec to put out that fire?

“What if it doesn’t work?” he asks instead, tentative, barely a whisper.

Magnus smiles, sadly. “I don’t want my last memory of you to be goodbye.” He reaches out a hand to place onto Alec’s cheek, but his fingers fall through Alec’s skin, and Alec closes his eyes.

They forget, that they can’t touch. They forget.

Alec nods, and Magnus holds out his left hand. Alec acts on instinct, says, “I’ll see you soon,” and slips the ring onto his ring finger.

Magnus disappears.

Alec stops breathing. He starts again.

He has to get back to the hospital.

-

He puts the ring on his finger, not wanting to risk it somewhere like his pocket. He puts it on his little finger, because his fingers are apparently bigger than Magnus’, and funny how he hadn’t noticed that before.

His hand feels heavy, like it weighs a ton; he thinks it should be dragging along the ground, somehow.

He makes his way to the hospital quickly, cursing at every subway stop that isn’t his. He holds his hand to his lips, presses a kiss to the ring, and even as he does it he’s not sure why. He murmurs something, a quick, “Not long,” and hopes that no one else can hear him.

He’s at the hospital before long, and he moves quickly through the halls to the room where he knows Magnus is. He peeks through the window, and sighs in relief to see that he’s still alone.

He pushes the door open, lets it shut quietly behind him, and immediately takes Magnus’ oxygen monitor off, sliding the ring off his own finger and onto Magnus’. He doesn’t want to wait, because someone might come in, and the sooner the ring is back on his finger, the sooner Magnus might come back.

He reattaches the oxygen monitor, and waits, his heart in his stomach, his eyes wide. After a few moments, nothing’s happened, and Alec’s about to reach out, to move the ring onto another finger, when someone speaks from behind him.

“What the hell are you doing here? Who the hell are you?” the voice asks, and Alec turns to see a tall, older man, staring at him with a thunderous gaze.

“Nothing, nothing,” Alec stammers, tripping over his feet to move around the man – Ragnor, his mind supplies – and leaves as quickly as possible. His feet don’t stop until he’s out of the hospital, and then he stops against the wall, leaning his head back, breathing. Tears prick at the backs of his eyes.

It didn’t work, he thinks.

Magnus is gone, and it didn’t work.

He closes his eyes, rubs at them with his fingers, desperately trying to stop himself from crying.

_It didn’t work._

_-_

The house is empty, without Magnus. Church is looking at Alec accusingly when he steps through the door, as if blaming him for Magnus being gone. And maybe he has a point. Because it is all Alec’s fault, isn’t it?

After a while, Alec sinks down onto the couch, all the energy gone from his legs. Church hops up beside him and settles onto his lap, as if seeing that Alec is as upset as he is.

Alec rubs a hand through his fur, staring at the wall in front of him.

He’s not sure how long he sits there, doing nothing. Long enough for Church to fall asleep.

It’s dark by the time his phone rings in his pocket. He thinks about answering it, but can’t find the energy to move his hands. He leans his head back against the sofa, and thinks about what Magnus would say if he were here; darling, Alexander, let’s not mope our lives away, now now, I hate to see you sad.

It’s not a comfort.

Alec falls asleep.

-

There’s a banging at the door, or is it in his head? Magnus normally wakes him up if he falls asleep in an uncomfortable position, but then, no Magnus.

As he blinks his eyes open, Alec realises that the knocking is at the door. He glances at his watch. 6:45. He has work in a couple of hours.

He heads to the front door, looking to see where Church is. He catches sight of him curled up on the floor by the kitchen. He’s probably hungry, he thinks, absently, and makes a mental note to put some food down for him before he leaves in a few hours. Maybe he’ll call in sick.

Izzy is on the other side of the door, and she sighs in relief when she sees him. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?” she asks, hands on hips, pushing into his house.

“Good morning to you too,” he replies, realising that this is probably the earliest Izzy’s been awake in years. She must have been worried about him.

“I’m serious, Alec,” she says, fixing him with a stare. “I’ve been calling you for hours. Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

Alec squirms under her scrutiny, rubs at the back of his neck, shrugs. “I’ve been busy,” he says, avoiding her eyes.

Izzy’s not convinced, and she crosses her arms. “Why did you run off, the other day? When I told you about Magnus Bane?”

He looks up at her then, and shrugs. “I remembered a contract that needed signing. It was urgent.”

“Sure,” she says, uncrossing her arms, stepping closer to Alec. “And it meant you couldn’t answer any of my calls or texts all weekend?”

Alec clenches his jaw. He really doesn’t want to talk about this. He wants to wallow in misery and think about Magnus, and call in sick for work, and wallow some more.

Izzy softens her gaze; she sits down on the sofa, and beckons for Alec to sit next to her. “You seemed upset, when you heard about what happened to Magnus Bane.”

Alec let’s his eyes rest closed for a moment. “It was nothing, Izzy,” he says. It doesn’t sound convincing, even to him.

“Did you do anything? About Magnus?”

Alec doesn’t look at her. “What could I have done?” he asks. He means it, he realises as he’s speaking. He thought he could help. He couldn’t. What could he have possibly done?

He’s looking at a point on the wall just above the off television. Izzy rests a hand on his knee, gently. “Magnus Bane woke up last night.”

Alec’s eyes turn to her quickly, wide, frantic. “What?” he asks, voice just above a whisper.

Izzy’s eyes are searching his face, but they’re earnest as she speaks. “One of his friends, Ragnor Fell, went to see him. He says there was a strange man in his room, who left as soon as he arrived. And Magnus woke up a few minutes later.”

Alec swallows a few times, the lump heavy in his throat. His mouth moves around unformed words, and his eyes feel wet. It isn’t till Izzy presses a soft finger against his cheek that he realises he’s actually crying.

“I don’t know how you know him. Or what you did. But the description sounded a lot like you.” She fishes out her phone from her pocket, taps a few times on the screen, passes it to Alec.

There’s a description of him, and a picture, presumably from hospital CCTV. Alec doesn’t read it properly. He hands it back to Izzy quickly.

“Is he okay?” he struggles out, eventually. His voice sounds hoarse, like he’s been screaming for hours.

Izzy nods. “Yeah. Not a scratch on him. They’re doing tests and releasing him at the end of the week.”

Alec swallows. He still hasn’t really grasped the fact that Magnus is okay, that he’s alive, that what he and Alec did _worked._

He offers Izzy a grateful smile. “Thanks for telling me,” he says, carefully.

She’s watching him closely, unguarded, conflicted. Alec ducks his gaze under her scrutiny. Eventually, she says, “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

He shakes his head straight away, because this isn’t his story to tell. It’s Magnus’, and if Magnus doesn’t want to tell it, if Magnus can’t remember it, then it’s not getting told.

His heart sinks at the thought of Magnus not remembering, but Alec reminds himself that all that matters is Magnus being safe, Magnus being awake, Magnus being _alive._ He repeats it mentally like a mantra, and it stops him from collapsing into Izzy and telling her everything.

Instead, he says, “Maybe someday.”

He’s expecting a fight, some kind of push back from her, but she nods, and takes his hands in hers. “You talk to me, okay. And you answer my calls. I thought something had happened.”

Alec nods, and squeezes her fingers where they’re joined. “Sorry. It’s been a weird week.”

She rolls her eyes, and says, “Yeah. No kidding.”

Alec smiles. It’s small, but it’s genuine, and he thinks that, knowing Magnus is okay? It won’t be his last smile.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so overwhelmed by your comments, honestly, they mean so so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to write them, and thank you for taking the time to read!
> 
> This was going to be just one chapter, but for the sake of flow, I've divided it into two, so this fic will be 5 chapters in total (the smut will be in the final chapter), and I'll hopefully upload that this weekend, although I'm moving into a new place tomorrow, so things might be a bit all over the place!
> 
> Just to clarify something about this chapter, because someone did ask about it – I’m in no way, shape, or form, a medical professional. I’ve done my best to research what would happen with the aftermath of a coma, but there wasn’t a tremendous amount of information out there. I’ve tried to make this all sound at least somewhat realistic, but I understand that it isn’t, and for that, I apologise! This kind of recovery would take years, probably, and I don’t have the knowledge to do a fully-detailed recovery fic justice. I’ve definitely sacrificed realism for a happy ending, but what’s fanfiction for, if not a somewhat unrealistic happy ending? (I’m basically going with the fact that, because Magnus’ injury was supernatural in nature, so is his recovery.) I’m sorry if this isn’t okay for anyone. I hope you can enjoy this story anyway.
> 
> ALSO, someone asked about the cost of Magnus’ hospital stay, which I hadn’t even thought about, because I’m from Britain, and we have free universal healthcare (for the time being, at least). I’m gonna have to ask you guys just to again suspend your disbelief about that one!
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter - I worked really hard to try to make it something good.
> 
> Enjoy!

A week after Izzy visits and tells Alec the good news, Magnus is released from the hospital and sent to some kind of rehabilitation clinic. The twitter updates, articles, news-reports, they’re numerous and positive, but they don’t give a lot of information on exactly what’s happening with Magnus. Alec becomes somewhat consumed by them, spends hours scanning through them trying to find out how he’s doing.

He’s something of a medical marvel, apparently. A couple of articles talk about the fact that his brain damage seems incredibly limited, given everything that’s happened. He hasn’t yet been able to speak, but he seems fully aware of everything that happens around him, and he seems to understand everything that’s said to him. He can recognize his friends, and apparently has some, albeit distant, memories of his past before he was attacked.

Alec wonders if his lack of brain damage has anything to do with him being a sort-of ghost for five years. He’s not sure how that would work, but it’s been a strange year for a lot of reasons. This wouldn’t be the craziest thing to happen.

Catarina and Ragnor start a blog about his recovery, to get the word out about how he’s doing from a reliable source, updating every couple of days, occasionally with pictures. Alec checks back every day, his breath catching every-time he sees a new picture of Magnus.

The rehab is mostly physical, apparently – he’s had a lot of muscle wastage, and as much as his mind seems relatively okay, all told, five years is a long time not to move any of your limbs.

Alec wants to be with him, to help him and support him, to congratulate every small victory. The ache of missing Magnus just grows more and more painful, but with every update, every step forward, his heart gets a little fuller. Even if Alec can’t be with him, Magnus is getting better, at least. Even if he doesn’t remember him, even if they never meet again, Magnus is safe, and being looked after. It’s worth the pain of missing him. Alec would miss Magnus forever, if it meant he was okay.

Magnus speaks for the first time three weeks after he gets to the rehab centre. They don’t report what he says, but it’s there. It’s a step.

After six weeks, he can apparently stand, with assistance. He’s speaking more confidently, saying more words every day, and they’re apparently confident that he’ll be walking, most likely with crutches, by six months.

It feels so long away. Alec wants Magnus back now, next week, as soon as possible, but he knows that recovery can’t be rushed. He also knows that Magnus is getting better much quicker than usual.

It’s a struggle getting used to life without Magnus. The house is quiet and empty, and Alec spends more and more time with Izzy and Jace, connects with more people at work, starts having regular movie nights with Aline. It’s what Magnus had actually told him to do, when he was still around.  “You shouldn’t spend all your time with a ghost,” he’d said, gently. “Go out with _real_ people. Interact, darling.”

He’s doing what Magnus had wanted, and that makes it easier, when he comes back drunk to an empty house. He tries to go back to how it was before. It’s an effort, but after a couple of months, he’s basically there. He can get through the day and only think of Magnus three or four times, only has to google him once in the morning, and then once before bed.

Alec thinks maybe he should try to fall out of love with Magnus.

He really doesn’t want to.

Despite everything, he’s still hopeful. Magnus had promised he’d come back, that he’d remember, and Magnus wouldn’t break his last promise to Alec.

Three months after Magnus wakes up from his coma, Alec’s still as in love as ever. It’s not important. It doesn’t matter. What Alec feels doesn’t matter, because Magnus is okay, and that’s what counts.

However agonizing being without Magnus might be, it’s worth it.

-

“So,” Jace says, drunkenly, swaying on his feet next to the bar. “How long ‘s’it been since you got some, man?”

Alec rolls his eyes, but regrets the movement when it makes him feel nauseous. “Jace,” he says, wincing at how drunk he sounds.

“What?” he asks, leaning against the bar, taking another pull from his beer. “Dude, you haven’t gone on a date in like, two years.”

It’s true, but Alec really doesn’t want to talk about it. “I don’t wanna date, Jace,” he says.

“But whyyyyyy,” Jace whines, leaning closer to Alec. “You’re a catch! Izzy! Izzy!” he calls across the bar, to where Izzy is pressed against Simon by the dance floor. She rolls her eyes, drags Simon with her towards them. “Tell Alec he’s a catch,” Jace says, pressing a finger into her chest.

She rolls her eyes and bats his hand away, and opens her mouth to answer.

“Alec is, like, _so hot,_ ” Simon interrupts. “Seriously, Alec, if I weren’t dating your sister…” he twirls a finger in Alec’s direction, stumbles over his feet, and Alec sighs.

“Thanks Simon,” he says, at a loss for anything else to say.

Izzy presses a hand to his bicep. “He’s right. You are a catch. If you want to date, then the world is your oyster.”

Jace snorts. “Why wouldn’t he want to date?”

“Seriously?” Alec asks. “Do we really have to talk about this?”

Simon gasps, leans in close to Alec. “Maybe Alec _likes_ someone,” he whispers conspiratorially. Jace’s eyes go wide.

“ _No,”_ he says, like Simon’s just revealed the biggest secret ever. “He wouldn’t _like someone without telling me_.”

Izzy snorts, and Jace glares at her. “What do you know?” he asks, eyes narrowing. He’d look almost menacing, if it weren’t for how reliant he is on the bar to stay standing.

Izzy puts her hands up. “I don’t know anything,” she says, and Jace turns his gaze onto Alec.

“Alec?” he asks. “Do you _like someone?”_

Alec sighs, puts a hand onto Jace’s shoulder, and squeezes it gently. “No, Jace. Don’t worry.”

That, apparently, is enough for Jace, who smiles, gestures to Izzy and Simon, and says, “See?!”

Alec rolls his eyes and goes back to his drink, and tries to ignore the way Izzy watches him.

-

Alec gets by, somehow. Magnus progresses quickly, can walk with help by five months, and they think that, by twelve months, he should be able to walk unassisted. His manual dexterity is pretty much there, and Alec watches, delighted, the video that Catarina posts in which Magnus signs his own name for the first time. It’s shaky, but when Magnus holds the page up to the camera, eyes shining with pride, Alec’s face nearly splits in half from smiling.

Alec knows that all of the updates are working towards a case to bring Valentine Morgensten down. He can’t be criminally prosecuted, because of how the case has already been mismanaged, but they’re suing him for damages and medical costs, and they’re hoping to remove him from his job. Every day the case seems to gain traction, gets more and more support, and Alec can’t see how they won’t win in court.

Izzy regularly sends him links and updates, and never adds any comments to them, which Alec is grateful for. It’s a testament to her love for Alec that she doesn’t pry; she must be so curious, so confused. She looks at him, sometimes, like she’s desperate to ask. She doesn’t.

-

Alec battles with himself for about three weeks about whether to throw Church another birthday party. He manages to get through his birthday, Christmas, and New Year without throwing a party at his house, and he’s not sure if he can manage having one without Magnus. It was Magnus’ thing, the party.

But then he remembers what Magnus had said, at Church’s last one. About a bigger, better party. Alec’s not about to hire a club, but he thinks, it’s what Magnus would want. And Alec was always hopeless at denying what Magnus wanted.

-

The party starts off with a different kind of energy than the last. It’s like everyone can tell that Alec’s heart really isn’t in it.

But Church gets made a fuss of, and the alcohol flows quickly, and before long, Alec is drunk, slurring, sitting on the floor and leaning heavily against Simon, who’s patting his hair gently. He doesn’t know where everyone else is, but he can’t see them from where he’s sat.

“Simon,” he says, face pressed into Simon’s shoulder. His voice comes out muffled, but Simon hums, as if to say, ‘go on’. Alec moves his head so that his mouth isn’t pressed into Simon’s shirt anymore. He sighs, blinks. “I think I have a broken heart,” he says. The words tumble out, rushed and heavy.

Simon’s hand stops patting at his head. “Oh,” he says. Alec doesn’t really talk about his feelings a lot. This is probably a shock to him. “What happened?”

Alec shrugs, and when Simon drops his arm to rest in a light hug around his shoulders, he lets his eyes close. “I fell in love,” he slurs, sighing. “And then he left.”

Simon’s grip tightens, and when he next speaks, he sounds more determined than Alec’s ever heard him. “Who? Who broke your heart? Alec, Alec.” He taps lightly at Alec’s cheek, and he opens his eyes to look up at Simon, who’s staring down at him with tears in his eyes, and a gaze that’s burning with fire. “Alec, I will find them, and I will hurt them.”

Alec, somehow, manages to sit upright, only threatening to fall backwards once, and says, “No, no, he had to leave, I made him leave.” He shakes his head, looks closely at Simon, wonders, vaguely, why there are two of him.

Simon looks sad. “He was a dick if he left. You deserve someone who doesn’t leave.”

Alec looks down at his hands. He doesn’t think he really deserves anything. He’s still looking down when he half speaks, half whispers, “He had a really beautiful heart.”

Simon reaches out, holds onto one of Alec’s hands. “Who was he?”

Alec shakes his head. “It’s not important.”

“Alec…”

“I’m okay,” Alec says, looking up at Simon. “Please. He didn’t –“ Alec hiccoughs, “He didn’t want to leave. But he had to. It’s. I’m okay.”

Simon doesn’t look convinced. His grip’s still tight on Alec’s hand. Alec thinks this is probably the most drunk they’ve been in years. He’s never been anywhere near this close to Simon before.

Somewhere along the way, Alec falls asleep on the floor. He dreams about Magnus, but that isn’t unusual.

-

Eight months after Magnus wakes up from his coma, Alec figures that he’s probably forgotten about him. It had been easy, at first, to say that it was just because Magnus was so dependent, that he couldn’t even walk, that there was no way he could tell anyone what had happened. That once he was able to get about independently, he would come back to Alec, or find a way to contact him, at least.

But Magnus doesn’t need care anymore, according to Ragnor and Catarina. They’re still staying with him, and helping him when he needs it, and he still has physiotherapy everyday. But his progress is far and beyond what anyone had anticipated, and Alec can’t help but think, that if their positions were reversed, he would have contacted Magnus by now.

He doesn’t want to think that Magnus just doesn’t _want_ to see him again. That would hurt worse than him forgetting.

After nine months, Alec wonders if it’s strange that he feels more in love than he ever did. He watches videos of Magnus’ progress, melts as his voice runs through him, delights in his every victory. It’s a painful kind of delight.

-

“Alec,” Izzy says over breakfast, sat at his kitchen table, eleven months after Magnus left. “I have something that will stop you moping.”

Alec rolls his eyes, cuts into his stack of pancakes. “I’m not _moping.”_

Izzy snorts. “Yes, you are. Now, I haven’t forgotten all that weirdness with Magnus Bane.” Alec winces. “But I’ve spent nearly a year not asking you about it. So you _owe_ me.”

“How do I owe you for you not prying into my business?” Alec asks through a mouthful of blueberries.

“Because,” Izzy says, pointing a fork threateningly at him, “it has been nearly a year that I’ve been constantly worried about you. I don’t even want to _think_ about the wrinkles that’s given me.”

Alec sighs. He knows Izzy’s not really worried about wrinkles. She spends too much on her moisturiser for that. But Alec knows how hard it is to worry about someone, knowing there’s nothing you can do to help. He spears another cut of pancakes. “Fine. I’m listening.”

She smiles, leans on the table, puts her knife and fork down. “So, Simon’s ex-girlfriend, Maia, works as a journalist for Vanity Fair.” Alec raises an eyebrow, wondering where she could be going with this. “Now, she is all sorts of wonderful, and she’s managed to get me two invitations to the hottest, most anticipated party of the year. And you, brother dearest, are going to come with me.”

Alec furrows his brow. “Okay. Firstly, is Simon okay with that? Doesn’t he want to go? And secondly, I’m wondering how well you know me, if you think a party’s going to cheer me up.”

Izzy rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling as she does so. “Simon asked Maia specifically _for_ you. And sure, if this were an ordinary party. But this just happens to be _Magnus Bane_ ’s recovery party.” She raises an eyebrow at Alec’s wide, frozen eyes. “Interested?”

Alec swallows, tries to slow his suddenly erratic heartbeat. Tries to remind himself that Magnus has forgotten him, that seeing him again would probably just be nothing but pain.

But _god._ Magnus.

He swallows again, ducks his head, tries to clear his head. He looks up again when he feels Izzy’s hand close around his. “I don’t know what your history is, you and Magnus Bane. But maybe, if you see him again, you can get some kind of closure.”

Alec sighs. Something inside him is telling him this is a bad idea. He bites at his lip, and says, finally, “Okay. Fine.”

Izzy beams. It doesn’t stop the wave of anxiety that’s rushing through him. He tells himself that this will all be okay, and smiles back.

-

A week before the party, Alec is sat with Church, watching something he doesn’t really understand on the television, and he thinks about Magnus. And he makes a decision.

He’s going to fight for Magnus.

If Magnus doesn’t remember him, then Alec’s just going to have to make him remember. And if he can’t make him remember?

Well.

Alec and Magnus had fit together perfectly, when Magnus was a ghost. And even though Magnus had never told Alec that he loved him, there was always something in his eyes. Something that made Alec have faith.

He’ll always have faith in Magnus, in what they could have. And Alec’s never felt this way before.

He’s going to fight for Magnus.

-

Alec doesn’t sleep for three days before the party. He’s certain that Church must think he’s going crazy, wandering the halls all night, watching infomercials until he has to leave for work. It reminds him of the months before he left for college, when all he wanted to do was to come out, and he’d stay up all night trying to come up with what to say to his parents.

Izzy picks out his outfit: a dark green shirt, tight black jeans, fitted blazer. She runs her fingers through his hair, says, “There you go. Perfect.”

He smiles back at her, and says, “You look great too.” He means it; her red dress is short and tight in all the right ways, and she preens, looks at herself in the mirror.

“I know,” she says, brightly. “Now come on. We don’t want to be late!”

-

The party is busy, the banquet hall filled with what seems like thousands of people. Alec feels instantly uncomfortable, and heads straight to the bar to order a drink. It all feels too close. He doesn’t like feeling claustrophobic.

He loses Izzy within half an hour; she’s pretty much in her element, and she zips round the dancefloor making friends like it’s her job. Alec catches glimpses of her, now and then, dazzling the room, and he thinks, that even if this was a terrible idea, at least she’s having a nice night.

He can’t see Magnus anywhere, and there’s no sign of Catarina or Ragnor either. Alec wonders if maybe he’s going to make some kind of grand entrance midway through the night.

He doesn’t really know how he’s going to approach Magnus. How he’s supposed to make him remember, or bring them together again. Every-time he thought about it, it became too big, too heavy, too overwhelming.

Izzy, of course, doesn’t know that he’s there to try to fight for Magnus. But she seems to sense his determination, which is why she’s left him alone. When Alec’s on a mission, he needs focus.

After forty-five minutes of standing by the bar, with no sign of Magnus, Alec sighs. He just wants to be away from the crowd. He downs his drink, heads to the entrance of the hall, and makes sure to get his hand stamped by the big bouncer on the door so that he can come back in.

The entrance hall is big and empty, but Alec can see a door leading to some gardens, and he figures some fresh air is what he needs right now. It doesn’t look like it’s off limits, and Alec strides towards it, pushing the door open and stepping outside.

The night is cool against his skin, and he heads over to an iron railing overlooking some kind of pond. He rests his forearms against it, drops his head down, and thinks to himself, ‘what am I doing here?’

“It’s a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?”

The voice makes Alec start, and he stands quickly, spinning to face the direction it’s come from. Alec’s dreamt about that voice. He would know it anywhere.

He thinks he stops breathing when he sees Magnus. It’s the first time he’s been in the same room as him in nearly a year, and his heart is in his stomach, his mouth is dry, he can’t –

Magnus takes a step towards him, small smile playing on his lips. He looks impossible.

He’s not that different to how Alec remembers him. His hair is longer, and there’s no color in it anymore. His eyes are still lined with kohl, and his fingers are still adorned with rings. His suit is a deep blue, tight against his body, and Alec wants to…god, what does he want? He wants to be so near him.

Magnus is standing next to Alec now, and he leans against the railing beside him. “I used to be so good at parties,” he says, presumably to fill the silence that Alec’s gawping is creating. “I think I’d prefer a smaller sort of gathering, these days.”

Alec nods, gaze fixed on Magnus’ face. He clears his throat, because he knows he has to say _something._ “There are a lot of people. They really care about you,” he manages.

Something softens in Magnus’ gaze, then. He looks at the door that leads back into the venue. “I am very lucky, for a lot of reasons. But I don’t think this was the right way for me to re-enter high society.”

Alec nods. “It must be hard, coming back suddenly to a world you haven’t been a part of for six years.”

Magnus looks back at Alec, and Alec realizes just how close they’re standing. Alec can see the stars in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus says, eyes suddenly brightening, “but have we met, before? You seem familiar.”

Alec swallows, chest tight. “It’s…” he starts, leaning in closer. It’s like he’s being drawn in. “It’s hard to explain.” His voice is barely above a whisper.

Magnus frowns, eyes roaming over Alec’s face. “I _know you,_ ” he says suddenly, his tone sure, hands balling into fists against his body. Alec can’t think of anything to say. Magnus brings a hand up, pinches the bridge of his nose.

Alec raises a hand, but lets it hover uselessly in the air. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Magnus shakes his head, and Alec is about to head back inside, to get help, but Magnus must sense this, and he says, “No, no, I’m okay.” He drops his hand back to his side, and sighs, turning his body to lean fully on the railing. “If I tell you something,” he says, looking out to the water, “will you…not laugh?”

Alec doesn’t even have to think. “I’d never laugh at you,” he says, defiantly. It’s the strongest he’s felt in nearly a year.

Magnus faces him again, but stays resting on the railing. “You might, when you hear what I have to say,” he says, quietly.

Alec stands next to him, mirroring his position against the railing. “I wouldn’t do that. You can trust me.” The words feel fragile as he says them, like he’s taking a risk by speaking them. But he doesn’t want to lie to Magnus. Even when they’d first met each other, there was such trust there.

Magnus sighs beside him, and Alec looks at him as he speaks. He’s so quiet. “I don’t trust people I’ve just met.” He’s looking down at his hands, fiddling with his rings. He shakes his head, as if to clear his thoughts, and straightens himself. “This all got very serious very quickly. I’m sorry.” He smiles sheepishly at Alec. “If we knew each other, you would have told me. I apologise for putting you on the spot, Alexander.”

Alec freezes as Magnus turns back to the doorway. He watches Magnus take a few steps forward, his voice caught in his throat, before he manages to call out, “Wait!”

Magnus turns back, eyebrows high. Alec steps forward.

“You,” he starts, somewhat pathetically. “You called me Alexander,” he pushes out, finally. The words hang in the air, heavy.

Magnus looks thoughtful for a moment. “Okay,” he says in reply, stepping back towards Alec. “So I know you.” Alec swallows, and nods. “Why won’t you tell me?” He’s close to Alec again, his voice is cracking, and Alec’s heartrate is soaring.

When Alec replies, he’s not sure the words are even audible. But Magnus is looking into his eyes, and he looks earnest and afraid, and Alec could never resist Magnus. “You haunted me,” he says, finally.

Silence surrounds them for a few moments, and Alec wonders if, somehow, he’s managed to break whatever they’d started to build.

Magnus crosses his arms across his chest. He’s avoiding Alec’s gaze now, looking down to the floor. “I had such vivid dreams,” he says, holding onto himself. “While I was in the coma.”

Alec’s quiet, waits for him to continue. When he does, there are tears shining in his eyes. “I can’t quite make sense of them. But I saw you, and I knew you. Do I know you from my dreams?”

Alec swallows, doesn’t realise until he feels the wetness on his cheeks that he’s started crying. “They weren’t dreams,” he says. “You were with me, in my house. You haunted me.”

Magnus nods, like Alec’s saying things he already knew. “And you woke me up,” he says, simply.

Alec has to breathe, just for a moment, but he says, “Yes.”

Magnus laughs, and the sound startles Alec, because it’s both wonderful and terrifying, and he’s not sure he can bear it. “How is that possible?” Magnus asks, and before he knows it, Alec’s chuckling too. The sound is more delirious, coming from him.

“I’ve been asking myself that for nearly two years,” Alec forces out, his voice rough.

Magnus rubs his hands over his hair. “Okay,” he says, thinking carefully. “If I tell you something I remember, will you tell me if it really happened?”

Alec nods, breath caught at the back of his throat. Magnus smiles gratefully, and says, “There was a cat?” Alec nods. “Okay,” Magnus continues. “And a party.” He says it like a fact, and Alec nods again. Magnus steps closer, and Alec can feel the heat rolling off of him in waves. “We would read. And watch television.” Alec nods, has to dig his nails into his jeans to stop himself from reaching out.

Magnus closes his eyes, searching for some long-buried memory, and then he gasps, eyes opening, wide. “Did you…” he tails off, still looking. He locks eyes with Alec. “Did you say you loved me?”

The world drops out from under Alec, and every nerve in his body is on fire. He stops breathing, but can’t tear his gaze away from Magnus’. Eventually, the fog clears long enough, and he nods.

Magnus swallows. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and he reaches out, grabs onto Alec’s hand with his own. The grip is loose, but Alec’s all too aware that this is the first time they’re properly touching. His heart dances. “I’m sorry I can’t remember everything,” Magnus finishes.

Alec shakes his head. “It’s okay,” he chokes out, holding tighter onto Magnus’ hand.

“I promised I’d remember,” Magnus says, almost too quiet for Alec to hear.

Alec starts, blinks away tears. “Do you remember that?” he asks, and Magnus nods.

“There are…bits and pieces are…” He pauses, grabs Alec’s free hand in his other, his eyes falling closed. “Things are coming back. Alexander.”

He gasps out Alec’s name, and they both stumble forward as something courses through them. Alec acts on instinct, presses as close to Magnus as possible, wrapping both his arms around his back. Magnus holds onto Alec, energy thrumming between them, and it’s all too much, too overwhelming. One of Magnus’ hands claws at Alec’s back, and Alec draws him in tighter.

“Oh, god,” Magnus says. “It’s, Alec, I can rememb - oh, darling, I’m so sorry.”

Alec presses his face into Magnus’ shoulder, can’t trust himself with words right now.

“I promised I’d come back, but I left you for so long.”

His words are drowning in emotion, and Alec manages to choke out a mumbled, “Not your fault.”

Magnus grips tighter. Alec grips back.

Magnus’ voice is soft in Alec’s ear. “I forgot you,” he says, and his voice sounds broken. Alec shakes his head, pulls back, grips onto Magnus’ arms.

“You had to go back to your life. You _had to._ ”

Magnus starts to walk away, and Alec’s heart sinks down through his stomach. He stands still, and watches as Magnus finds his way to a nearby bench, and sinks down onto it. Alec waits for a moment, but when Magnus’ eyes meet his, his feet move without instruction, stumbling over themselves to sit next to him.

Alec swallows. “How much do you remember?” he asks, slowly, because he’s not sure he really wants the answer.

Magnus doesn’t reply, but holds out his hand, palm up: an invitation. Alec’s breath hitches; he’s reminded of all the times he wanted to hold Magnus’ hand, but couldn’t.

But he can now. They’ve already touched, he tells himself. This shouldn’t feel so monumental. Alec breathes, reaches over, locks his fingers with Magnus’. There’s that spark again, that energy that runs where their skin meets. Alec doesn’t know what it means.

“I remember when I first saw you,” Alec says, because Magnus isn’t speaking, and he feels a need to fill the silence. “I thought you’d broken in.”

He looks at Magnus, who’s smiling gently, and looking down at their joined hands. He huffs a laugh. “I remember that too,” he says. “I hadn’t spoken to anyone for four years.” He says it like the thought has just come to him, like he didn’t expect the words to fill the air. “I thought they were just dreams,” he says. “I thought I’d dreamt up a beautiful man to keep me company while I was unconscious. And it felt real, but I didn’t… I thought I was mad.” He sighs, squeezes Alec’s hand. “And I started to forget.”

“Do you remember now?” Alec asks. He thinks someone will probably come looking for them soon. How long have they been out here?

“I think so,” he says. He faces Alec then, and beams, his smile brighter than Alec ever thought possible. “You got me a cat,” he says.

Alec smiles. “I did.”

Magnus gasps. “Wait, Church – do you have a photo?”

Alec nods, reaches into his pocket with his free hand, pulls out his phone. He swipes at the screen, lands on the most recent picture of Church, curled up on the couch. He shows it to Magnus, who looks at it with something like awe.

After a few moments, he laughs, quietly, low. “Alexander,” he says, gaze shifting to Alec’s face. “Somehow, you managed to adopt _my_ cat.”

Alec’s brow furrows in confusion. “What?”

“ _That,_ ” Magnus says, pointing with his free hand to the screen, “is Chairman Miaow. He ran away about a year after I was attacked. And then you adopted him.”

Alec freezes for a few moments, before a laugh spills out of him. Because, _of course._ He shakes his head. “No wonder he liked you,” he says. “And that’s why you could touch him.”

Magnus nods. “I guess so.”

Alec wonders, not for the first time, how his life has become this insane. But Magnus is sat next to him, holding his hand, and he’s not a ghost, or in a coma, and it’s taken nearly a year, but Magnus remembers him. Magnus _remembers him._

“Magnus?” he asks, their hands still linked. He takes a breath, steels his resolve. “Do you want to go on a date sometime?”

Magnus smiles. He holds on. “I would love that,” he says.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for how long this has taken. I can't really excuse it, but things have been hectic, what with moving, starting a new degree, trying to fit in work and socialising, and I know, I'm sorry. Thank you for being patient. I hope this chapter goes some way to make up for things.
> 
> (There's some smut in this chapter, and I can never stand to re-read my own smut, so I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes in there. Please point them out, if you see them!)
> 
> Some people have pointed out that this is similar to the film Just Like Heaven/the book Et si c'etait vrai - I haven't seen or read these at all, and I honestly wasn't aware of them, but as soon as I get some more free time, I will be checking them out!

It’s surprisingly easy, dating Magnus.

Their first date is at a coffee shop downtown, one that Magnus swears has the best lemon drizzle cake in New York. And Alec fidgets and internally panics the whole way there, and then panics at how silly it is to panic at the thought of meeting someone he’s already known for so long.

Izzy helped him pick out his outfit, spent nearly an hour fussing over his hair, and then had pressed a hand to his cheek, eyes shining, and said, “I still don’t understand what’s happened, or how it’s happened, but I really hope this works out for you.”

Magnus is already waiting at the coffee shop, smiling down at his phone, and Alec has to pause where he can see him through the window, just to take a breath. He looks as beautiful as ever.

He stands up when he sees Alec walking towards him, leaning slightly on his cane, and the way his face lights up, the way his smile stretches across his face, the way his eyes shine? It’s enough to make Alec’s heart sing.

“Alexander,” Magnus greets him, reaching forwards and pulling him into a one-armed hug. Alec marvels at his new-found ability to wind his arms around Magnus’ back, and thinks back to all those days he spent wondering how it would feel to hold him.

Maybe they hug for a little too long.

They sit, and they talk, and they laugh, and it’s so similar to how it was before, when Magnus was just a ghost haunting Alec’s house. Alec marvels at how wonderful it is that he gets to experience this, that he can just sit, and _be_ with Magnus.

Magnus tells him everything he was never able to; he tells him about his friends, about his work, how he came to New York from Indonesia when he was just eight. Alec tells him that he doesn’t have to say anything he doesn’t want to, or isn’t ready to, but Magnus just takes his hand, links their fingers together on the table, and says, “I want to.”

And it’s as simple as that, really.

-

They go to restaurants, to coffee shops, museums, the cinema, for walks in the park, to Coney Island. Magnus even cooks him dinner in his own loft, once, a bright, sprawling apartment that screams Magnus in every way.

They see each other several times a week, and after three weeks, it hits Alec with a certainty he didn’t know he possessed just how much he loves Magnus. They’re sat in Central Park on the softest blanket Alec’s ever felt, a picnic basket at their feet, the sun shining down on them. Magnus is talking animatedly about Catarina’s latest attempt at redecorating her own home, and Alec is trying to listen, he really is, but there’s something so enthralling about the way Magnus’ hands move, how his eyes light up when he talks about the people he loves, how the sun radiates off his skin. His mouth goes dry, his heart beats erratically, and then it hits him that they haven’t even kissed yet.

Magnus must realise that he’s not paying attention, because his eyebrows knit together, and he says, “Alexander? Are you okay?”

And Alec, eloquent as ever, blurts out, “Can I kiss you?”

Magnus startles slightly, but then a smile spreads across his face, and he leans closer to Alec, rests their shoulders together, and says, “Why, I thought you’d never ask.”

And Alec has to pause, just for a moment, before he leans in, and presses his lips to Magnus’. The angle is off, his lips are too dry, and there’s definitely a twig digging into his leg. The kiss is nothing more than a pressing of lips, and it’s probably the most innocent kiss Alec has ever had. And yet, without a doubt, it’s the sweetest, loveliest, most wonderful kiss Alec’s ever had.

It’s brief, and Magnus pulls away after a moment, and Alec can hear him let out a happy sigh beside him. He doesn’t even realise that he’d let his eyes close until he opens them.

He smiles when his eyes meet Magnus’. Magnus smiles back.

-

A month later, they’re eating dinner at a restaurant, and Magnus takes a breath, and says, “Darling. I’ve been thinking.”

Alec swallows the mouthful he’s been chewing on, and looks up to Magnus. Something stirs in his stomach, because what if Magnus wants to call things off? Alec thinks back to the times they’ve spent together – has he said anything wrong? Done anything wrong? They’ve kissed, but only a few times, and never anything more than their sweet, chaste first kiss. Should Alec have made a move by now? Is Magnus not attracted to him? Has he found someone else?

His thoughts are brought back to the present when Magnus places a hand over his. “I can see your mind running away, and please, it’s nothing bad. Don’t worry.”

Alec feels his cheeks grow hot. Magnus can read him like an open book.

“I was just wondering if, perhaps, now would be a good time to see your house again.”

He doesn’t phrase it like a question, but there’s an uncertainty to his tone, a crease on his forehead that betrays his wariness.

Alec arches an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Is it not too soon?”

Magnus glances down, before looking back up at Alec, and smiling. “I think, at this point, I have more happy memories of that house than unhappy.”

A corner of Alec’s mouth turns up, and he has to bite his lip to stop his grin from splitting his face. “You remember a lot?”

Magnus nods. “I think I have everything from our time together. A lot came back that first night, but,” he grips onto Alec’s hand. “More has come back, since. I think I have it all now.”

Alec looks down at the table, and turns his hand over to lace their fingers together. He smiles at the sight. “Do you remember the Brents, though?” he asks, and Magnus laughs, the sound dancing through Alec’s chest and lifting him up.

Alec had told him about the Brents on their third date. Magnus hadn’t remembered them, and it had really made him laugh to hear about how persistent Magnus was in keeping them tidy. “That definitely sounds like me,” he’d said, when Alec had told him about the broken plates.

“No,” Magnus says, shaking his head lightly. “I fear they have been erased from my memory forever.”

Alec smirks. “Maybe if we watched _Duck Dynasty,_ that might jog your memory.”

Magnus snorts inelegantly, and Alec grins wider. “I think I’d rather not remember in that case, if it’s all the same to you,” he says, eyes crinkling with humor.

There’s a moment of silence, the kind of silence that’s comfortable, that’s comforting. Magnus takes another bite of his pasta.

“I don’t want you to rush coming back to the house,” Alec says, voice low. He studies Magnus’ face carefully for a reaction, and when Magnus doesn’t reply, he adds, “If you never want to see the house, then that would be fine with me.”

Magnus looks to Alec then, with something in his eyes that Alec can’t read properly. He looks almost awe-struck. He’s looked at Alec like that before, and it always feels so precious, that Magnus can look at him like that, so openly, so raw.

“I believe you,” Magnus says, smiling. “But I want to go back. I want to go home with you. I want to stand where I first met you, and remember what it was like to see you walking into the kitchen that very first time.” He leans forward, and Alec is enthralled. “I remember how it felt the first time you saw me. I remember it so clearly, now, that I can’t believe I ever forgot.” He reaches across with his other hand, and Alec reaches out too, so that they’re clasped together, tightly. Magnus squeezes, and smiles again. “The house doesn’t scare me. How could it? It’s where I first met you.”

-

They walk back to Alec’s. It’s not too far, and the cool air is refreshing. Besides, there’s nothing quite like holding hands with Magnus as they step down the street.

Alec invites Magnus in for coffee. Magnus doesn’t falter as he steps over the threshold. Not even slightly.

-

They sit side by side on the couch, and Magnus runs a finger over the material of the arm. He murmurs, quietly, “I always sat on the floor, didn’t I?”

Alec nods, takes a sip of his coffee. Magnus faces him, and smiles. “And you would sit with me. On the floor.”

Alec flushes, but nods again, suddenly embarrassed. “You always watched those fashion shows. I could never really get into them, but you were so happy when they were on.”

Magnus' smile sobers into something more gentle, and he places his own cup of coffee on the table, taking Alec’s cup from him and placing it down too. He takes Alec’s face in his hands.

“Alexander,” he says, so close, suddenly. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?”

Alec nods, eyes wide, and Magnus leans in for a beautiful, sweet, short kiss. He brings his hands to rest on Magnus’ waist, and he leans back in, pressing their lips back together, letting his eyes fall shut.

It feels different, this time, and Alec pulls back, breath short, and leans his forehead against Magnus’.

They stay like that for so long that Alec loses track of time. The clock on the wall falls silent, and he says, suddenly, “I meant it, by the way. And not as goodbye.”

He hopes Magnus knows what he means, because it feels too heavy to say out loud. He hasn’t said it so far. He’s been worried it might break something, if he spoke it.

He's not sure what compels him to say it now. But it feels right. It feels necessary.

“I know,” Magnus replies, eyes soft.

He looks like he’s about to say something else, and Alec pulls back, hands still touching, but faces not so close. He blurts out, “You don’t have to say it back. That’s not what it was. I just wanted you to know.”

And Magnus grins, a grin that sets off shooting stars behind his eyes. “I know,” he repeats, tone teasing, eyes mischievous. “So know that this is all my free choice. Free of spirits and comas.” He presses a kiss to Alec’s cheek. “I love you too,” he says, and Alec’s smiling so widely his face feels like it might split in two.

“Yeah?” he asks, cheeks sore, heart leaping.

“Yeah,” Magnus says, and just like that, he leans in again, eyes closing, lips pressing to Alec’s.

Every time they meet, every time their hands brush against one another’s, every time Alec has kissed Magnus goodbye, it’s felt electric. A current runs through him every time he and Magnus touch, and it’s no different now, where their lips are pressed together.

Magnus leans back, ever so slightly, barely an inch of air between them. He strokes his fingers over Alec’s cheekbones, runs his thumb softly beneath his eyes. “Darling,” he says, and leans back in.

This kiss is different, softer, deeper, more pressing, but Alec’s heart still flies, and he holds onto Magnus’ sides, brings him closer, needing him _there._

After a few minutes of slow, sweet, teasing kisses, Magnus changes the angle, tongue pressing into Alec’s mouth. Alec groans.

He twists slightly, so that he’s facing Magnus square on, and he angles Magnus’ face to reach deeper, further, closer. And then Magnus is climbing into Alec’s lap, fuelled by a sudden fervour that Alec feels in the very pit of his stomach. He wraps his arms around Magnus’ waist, pulls him as close to his chest as possible, and murmurs into his lips, “Do you have anywhere to be?”

Magnus shakes his head, grinds down into Alec’s crotch. “Nowhere at all,” he replies, hands running into Alec’s hair, gripping tightly, latching his mouth back into Alec’s.

Suddenly bold, Alec stands, dislodging Magnus from his lap, his hands steadying him as he does so. “You want to come upstairs?” he asks, pressing kisses along Magnus’ cheeks, jaw, neck.

Magnus groans, slips a hand down to grope Alec’s ass. “God, _yes,”_ he grits out, already pulling Alec towards the staircase.

They’re pressed together from chest to knee, not a molecule of air between them, and Alec feels dizzy, might collapse if Magnus weren’t holding him up, one hand gripping his shoulder, another on his ass.

He presses back in for another kiss, insistent, messy, frantic, and Alec wants to be closer to Magnus, needs him _there,_ needs him _solid,_ needs him _real._

They stumble up the stairs together, not wanting to end their kiss, and not stepping carefully either. They trip a few times, but hold onto each other, giggling, and Alec hasn’t felt this way, this happy or light, since he was a child. Magnus makes this bubble form in his stomach that feels like it could take Alec away with the wind.

They’ve managed to make it halfway up the steps when Magnus must concede defeat, because he pulls back from Alec, links their hands together, and walks up the rest of the way to Alec’s room. Alec follows closely, the heat from Magnus’ back spilling onto his chest and rising to his cheeks.

Alec kicks the door shut behind him when they actually make it into the bedroom, and attaches himself back to Magnus, presses as closely as possible, hungry with the heat of it. His fingers play with the hem of Magnus’ shirt, and he looks down, marvelling at the sight of Magnus in something other than his usual outfit. The shirt glitters, but the shine is nothing compared with shine in Magnus’ eyes when he leans back, and smiles.

“What do you want, Alexander?” he asks, and Alec’s heart jumps.

“I want you,” he says, the words slipping out with an ease he didn’t know he possessed. The calmness in his voice is a betrayal of the frantic thudding of his heart, and of the wind rushing in his ears. “I want everything.”

Magnus beams, fingers fumbling, and Alec raises his arms so Magnus can remove his shirt. He watches as Magnus’ gaze lingers appreciatively on his chest, and then he’s bringing his hands up to undo the buttons of Magnus’ shirt. His fingers are shaking, and after a few fumbled attempts, Magnus’ hands reach up to join his. He helps Alec twist his shirt open, and whispers, “I know,” pressing light kisses to Alec’s cheek.

Eventually Magnus’ shirt falls to the floor, and Alec presses in close, revels in the feeling of skin on skin, kisses Magnus again, snaking his arms around his waist.

Magnus’ hands run around Alec’s neck, his fingers playing with the hair at his nape, and he grinds his crotch against Alec’s in a roll that would make Alec’s eyes turn to the back of his head, if his eyes were open.

They land in a heap on top of the bed, Magnus on top of Alec, still grinding down, and Alec’s hands move, lower, pulling in Magnus by his ass and rolling up to meet each thrust. They rut like that, heady, and then Magnus is inching a hand down, sliding it between their bodies, and Alec has to stop for a second, because weren’t they just one whole?

And then Magnus is fiddling with Alec’s belt, undoing it with a practised hand, and it makes Alec moan.

Magnus lifts off Alec, then, pressing kisses to his neck, collarbone, chest. He pauses a little at Alec’s nipple, runs over it with his tongue, and Alec shivers at the sensation, running his fingers through Magnus’ hair, letting Magnus lick a few more times.

His trail of kisses and licks, as well as small, teasing bites that Alec’s sure won’t leave a mark, continues down his torso, and the anticipation is making Alec even more giddy than normal.

Magnus moves easily, lithely, his body tight, and Alec reaches out to run his hands down his back, fingers running appreciatively over his strong muscles.

Magnus reaches Alec’s belt, and unbuttons the fly of his jeans, pulling, teasing, at the zipper. Magnus laves over Alec’s skin with his tongue, and starts to tug at the belt loops; Alec lifts his hips, lets Magnus pulls them down, down his legs, over his feet, onto the floor.

Alec leans up on his elbows, looks down, eyes heavy, at Magnus, who’s starting to crawl up his body, hungry. He meets Alec’s lips with his own again, and Alec feels the roughness of Magnus’ jeans against his underwear, which he already knows is tented with his hardness.

Magnus mouths through the underwear at his erection, and Alec could come right then, just from the sight of him between his legs.

“Magnus…” he groans, and Magnus smirks up at him, his eyes pooled with lust.

With a huff of a laugh, Magnus hooks his fingers over the waistband of Alec’s underwear and tugs, letting Alec’s cock spring free.

Magnus is teasing, gentle, mourning lightly at the head of Alec’s cock, darting out a tongue, pulling back again.

Alec doesn’t want slow. Alec wants Magnus to take him, to surround him, he wants to know, without a doubt, that Magnus is real, alive, _with him._

But he can’t stop Magnus, can’t pull his eyes away from his face, can’t focus on anything except the feel of Magnus’ mouth around him.

Magnus wraps a hand around Alec’s cock, softly, _not enough,_ and he presses his mouth lightly against his root, his balls, the tops of his thighs. He bites at the inner flesh of Alec’s thigh, the first real roughness he’s used, and he sucks, hard, hard enough to leave a hickey.

When Alec twists his hand in Magnus’ hair, he finally moves up, swallowing Alec down to the root, and Alec throws his head back on the pillows. “Fuck, Magnus!” he cries out, and Magnus responds by increasing the pressure around him, and moving up, slowly, then down fast again.

Alec thinks he’s never felt anything so wonderful in his life.

Magnus continues for a few minutes more, and it’s deep and heady, and Alec feels so good he could float up to heaven and never come back down.

He’s going to come soon, if Magnus doesn’t stop, and he doesn’t want to come like this, with Magnus still wearing his pants.

“Stop,” Alec says, pawing at Magnus’ shoulder, pulling him up, and Magnus complies, snaking up Alec’s body, sinking down onto him, moulding his mouth to Alec’s.

Alec can taste himself on Magnus’ tongue. He grabs at Magnus’ hips, grinds up and into him, and Magnus says, “Darling, Alexander, what do you want?”

Alec isn’t even thinking as he speaks. “I want to come with you inside me,” he murmurs, mouthing sloppily at Magnus’ cheek, ear, anything he can get to.

Magnus grins, and says, “I think that could be arranged.” His voice is like honey. It makes Alec hungry.

Alec leans up, pulls at Magnus’ jeans, wants them off, wants skin on skin _right now._

Magnus takes the hint happily, standing at the edge of the bed, and Alec doesn’t like that he’s not touching Magnus anymore, but he knows it’s for the greater good, and, well. The sight of Magnus shimmying down his jeans, and pulling off his underwear, makes Alec salivate.

Magnus leans down, once he’s stepped out of his clothes, and pulls Alec’s own underwear the rest of the way off, and how had Alec not noticed that they were still around his thighs?

Magnus isn’t apart from him long; he climbs back onto the bed, over Alec, limbs caging him in, and he presses a bruising kiss to Alec’s mouth, before asking, voice rough, “Do you have anything?”

Alec nods against Magnus, manages to fling an arm to his right and say, “Top drawer,” and Magnus moves, quick as lightning, and before Alec knows it, he’s unceremoniously dropping a bottle of lube and a condom onto his stomach.

Alec lets out an ‘oof’, and Magnus chuckles, reaching for the bottle, and pouring a generous amount onto his fingers. “One day,” Magnus says, reaching down to pull Alec’s legs open wider, settling in between them, “I want to watch you do this for yourself.” His voice is barely above a murmur, as if he’s saying it for himself more than Alec.

Alec hears it, though, and groans, reaching down to grope at Magnus’ thigh. Magnus replies by teasing at his rim with a wet finger, pressing against his hole, not quite pushing in, and Alec’s head hits back against the pillows, frustrated. “Magnus,” he says, a plea, a prayer. Is he asking? Is he begging?

Magnus slides the first finger in, right to the knuckle, and Alec cries out. “God, _god,_ Magnus, _more.”_

Magnus obliges, pushes a second finger in, and is soon making quick work of Alec’s sanity. He fingers Alec leisurely, like he has all the time in the world, and maybe they do now. Maybe they can dedicate whole afternoons to pushing each other, now that Magnus isn’t dead, and Alec is living too.

Alec is ready to go pretty quickly, doesn’t want to come before Magnus is in him, and he says so, watching how Magnus’ eyes spark at the sentiment.

Magnus teases for a little longer, first. He’s three fingers in, working hard, working fast, and Alec is sweating, writhing, grabbing at every part of Magnus he can reach. “Impatient, darling?” Magnus asks, and Alec pants out, “I want to ride you,” and Magnus’ eyes glaze over with desire.

It’s quick and easy, then; Magnus pulls his fingers out of Alec, turning to settle beside Alec on his back, and he says, confident but unsure, and enigma Alec can’t work out: “Be my guest.”

Alec clambers up, any notions of grace abandoned by the need to have Magnus in him as soon as possible. He rips open the foil packet, touches Magnus’ cock for the first time, relishes the heat and the weight of it. One day soon he’s going to have it in his mouth, he’s going to swallow down every inch he can reach.

He rolls the condom down Magnus’ length, then opens the bottle of lube once more, spreading it generously, and Magnus groans. 

It’s easy for Alec to straddle Magnus’ hips, to line himself up with his cock, to sink down, inch by inch, savouring every second of the delicious burn. It’s a burn that pulses through him, licks at his insides, makes him dizzy. He places his hands on Magnus’ chest, feels Magnus’ hands grab at his hips, and there’s a moment, a pause, before he’s riding Magnus, frantic, desperate, needy and greedy.

His thighs start to burn, his eyes start to water, every nerve in his body is on fire, and Alec knows he’s never felt so complete. Magnus is under him, gripping him, sweating beneath him, and Alec doesn’t know how much longer he can last, because this is everything he’s spent the last six months dreaming about.

Magnus must sense this, somehow, because they lose their rhythm, both becoming mindless with lust, and then his hand is on Alec’s cock, fisting it in time with their thrusts, and Alec barely has the breath to moan, “Oh, I’m _close,”_ before he’s coming in hot ribbons over Magnus’ chest.

Magnus arches up into him, once, twice, three times, and then Alec knows he’s coming, can feel it, deep, deeper than he thought possible. He grabs at Magnus’ chest, squeezes, anything to touch Magnus, and then they’re collapsing down on the bed together, tangled together, hands together.

They lie there for, well, Alec’s not sure how long. It seems to take a long time for them to catch their breath, and by that time, Magnus has removed the condom and thrown it vaguely in the direction of the trash can in the corner.

They should clean up, really, but that would mean Alec taking his head off Magnus’ chest, pulling their fingers apart, unwrapping Magnus’ arm from around his shoulders. He doesn’t really want to think about it.

After a few minutes, Magnus exhales. “That was better than I’d ever imagined,” he says. Alec angles his face up, just a little.

“You imagined it?” he asks. He thinks he must sound young as he asks. He feels young. Magnus doesn’t mention it.

Instead, he smiles, kissing Alec’s hair. “So many times.”

Alec thinks back to the days they spent together, sitting together, talking about nothing, watching nothing on TV, and imagines them again, but with their want there, on the surface, not hidden away behind death and anxiety. Alec grows hot at the thought of it.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time too,” he says. Magnus pulls him in tighter. Alec feels good about whatever comes next.

-

He wakes a while later, and Alec’s not sure what time it is, but the bed is empty beside him, and he calls out, hesitant, not too loudly, “Magnus?”

As he rolls to the edge of the bed, he notices that his stomach is completely clean, and realises that Magnus must have cleaned him up while he was still asleep. The thought makes him smile.

He pulls on his underwear and jeans, and as he wanders from room to room, looking for Magnus, he notices how quiet the house is. He’s nervous about breaking the silence, so he doesn’t call out again.

He finds Magnus, eventually, in the garden. Alec can see him through the window of the kitchen, sat on the back porch that Alec barely makes use of, and he stops to pull on a hoodie that’s on the kitchen table. He doesn’t bother with shoes, because the nearest ones are a room away, and that’s far too far when Magnus is so close.

Magnus doesn’t look up when Alec opens the back door, but continues staring into the night sky. He’s fully clothed, but his arms are wrapped around his torso, as if sheltering himself from something. It’s a warm night.

Alec steps slowly, sinks down beside him, a couple of inches of space between them. He looks up at the same patch of sky that Magnus is intent upon. He can’t see any stars.

The silence blankets them, and it feels fragile. He doesn’t want to shatter it, but when he looks at Magnus, there’s something undefined in his eyes. His forehead is creased, and Alec wants to reach out, to smooth the lines away. Instead, he says, “Are you okay?”

Magnus turns his head to look at Alec, and there’s a weight to his gaze. He smiles, sadly. “I always used to look out at this garden. I always felt it was unfair, that I couldn’t sit out in it. I thought, same property, maybe I could come out?” he sighs. “It wouldn’t have been the same, if I could have done.” He looks back up. “I wanted to feel the sun, not just see it. I wanted to smell the stars.”

Alec shifts, moves closer to Magnus, leans back on his hands, one just behind Magnus. “Smell?”

Magnus nods, hums. “Night-time has a certain smell, don’t you think?”

Alec presses his cheek to Magnus’ shoulder. “I can’t say I’ve ever noticed.”

“Hmm,” Magnus replies, kissing the top of Alec’s head. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

Alec huffs with amusement, and murmurs, “No stars in New York. Too much light pollution.”

Magnus shakes his head, and the movement dislodges Alec’s head. “Maybe not stars that you can see,” he says. “But there are always stars.”

Alec looks up at the sky. He wants to know how Magnus can see such beauty in such a blank canvas. Even when he squints, there’s no light in the sky.

Magnus stirs beside him. “I like to look for my mother,” he says, and Alec’s eyes focus back on him. “Before she died, she said that I could look up at the stars, and I would find her there, shining brightly. I can’t always see her, but she’s there.” He shrugs. “There are always stars,” he repeats.

Alec crowds into him, closer, wraps his arms around him. He doesn’t say anything, but he kisses Magnus’ neck.

“She had problems,” Magnus explains, and Alec wants to stop him, to say that he doesn’t have to tell him, not if he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t expect anything. He holds Magnus a little tighter, and one of Magnus’ hands comes up to wrap around Alec’s forearm. He squeezes. “She wanted to be a star, so she took her own life.” He doesn’t sound upset, and Alec wonders how many times he’s told this story, how he can be so unaffected. “I was only five. Too young to know that she’d made a mistake.”

Alec imagines a young Magnus, eyes still wide, looking up at the same sky they are. His heart clenches. “I’m so sorry,” he says, voice a murmur against the soft tufts of Magnus’ hair.

“Thank you,” Magnus replies. He takes a breath. “I just wanted to see the stars, when I was a ghost. I didn’t know why.” His voice starts to crack. “I didn’t see the stars for five years.”

Alec holds onto him, as tightly as he can. He doesn’t want to let go. Not now. Not ever. “The stars are always there,” he struggles out, voice low. “Even if you’re not looking.” The words feel like they don’t belong in his mouth; they’re Magnus’, and he feels like an imposter, stealing words that are too beautiful.

Magnus doesn’t mind, though. He turns in Alec’s arms, winds his own around Alec’s waist, and Alec can see the wetness in his eyes. They look even more beautiful like this.

He blinks at Alec, before speaking. “I can’t say I’m glad for what happened all those years ago.” His nose is brushing against Alec’s. “But I’m not sure I can regret finding you.”

The words are heavy, and they hang in the air, and they make Alec warm. He lifts a hand to cup Magnus’ cheek, holds it reverently. “I’m so glad I know you,” he says.

They kiss, briefly, and Alec wonders if it’s too soon for such declarations. As much as it feels like they’ve been tethered together forever, this ground is new, tentative, shaky. His heart is given over to a man who’s only just remembered who he is.

But if it’s right, then it’s right, and it feels too right to step away from. Alec can feel Magnus’ heart in his own, heavy and brilliant. He’s never going to let it go. Not if he can help it.

When Magnus’ fingers intertwine with his own, and he smiles at Alec, beautifully and magically, Alec decides he’s going to marry Magnus one day.

He’s going to show Magnus the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voila! C'est fini! I hope you all enjoyed, and again, I'm so sorry for the delay!
> 
> I may continue this at some point/write extras, maybe from Magnus' point of view? But not until I've managed to organise my time a little better!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope this didn't disappoint! I love you all and am so grateful for your patience and support!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at [slowunsteady](http://slowunsteady.tumblr.com) consistently crying about Malec, and on twitter [@megxmas](http://twitter.com/megxmas) retweeting useless shit
> 
> Kudos and comments would be lovely! Thanks for reading! Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss the updates! Lots of exclamation points!


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